IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.
#graphs #show #music #albums #people #britain #sex #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates the varieties of
music
Use synonyms
albums
Use synonyms
 (
Pop
Use synonyms
,
Rock
Use synonyms
, Classical)
buying
Wrong verb form
bought
show examples
 by the public of Britain with respect to men, women and different
age
Use synonyms
 groups ranging from 16 to above 45 years.
Overall
Linking Words
 the youth crowd between 25 to 34 is more inclined towards
Pop
Use synonyms
 and
Rock
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 people above 45 years
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to be more
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 Classical
music
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 buying
music
Use synonyms
 is more than that of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female in all different types. It is seen that the public buying
Pop
Use synonyms
 and
Rock
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
 in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 16-24 is 30%
whereas
Linking Words
 the same
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 has bought the lowest of Classical
albums
Use synonyms
 with less than 5%. The Sales of
Pop
Use synonyms
 and
Rock
Use synonyms
albums
Use synonyms
 for men
lies
Correct subject-verb agreement
lie
show examples
 between 20 to 30% and between 10 to 20% for Women. It seems that Classical
Music
Use synonyms
 has the majority of the public in the 45+
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 with 15 to 20%
Use synonyms
albums
Change preposition
of albums
show examples
 sold and the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 between 35-40 consists of around 25 to 30% for
Rock
Use synonyms
 and
pop
Use synonyms
 respectively.public between 25-34 are more interested in
Pop
Use synonyms
 and
Rock
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
albums
Use synonyms
 with more than 30% of
albums
Use synonyms
 purchased
Submitted by ahuja1221 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words music, albums, pop, rock, age, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: