IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.
#graphs #show #music #albums #people #britain #sex #age
The following column graphs illustrate the types of
music
albums
 bought by people in Britain based on their gender and age categories. The graphs compare three kinds of
music
 genres, which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
pop
music
,
rock
music
, and classical
music
.
Overall
, more
purchase
 of the three types of
music
albums
 comes from the male population.There is a similar trend of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
albums
purchase
Replace the word
purchased
show examples
 for
pop
music
 and
rock
music
. Comparing the age categories, those aged 25 to 34 contribute to the most
purchase
 of the two
music
albums
, followed by those aged 16 to 24, 35 to 44, and
lastly
 45 or older. More than 30% of young people aged 25 to 34 prefer
pop
music
 and
rock
music
.
On the other hand
, classical
music
 is preferred by those aged 45 or older, where about 20% of the age population
purchase
 it.
On the contrary
, only about 1% of the young population aged 16 to 24
purchase
 classical
music
albums
. In conclusion,
pop
music
 and
rock
music
 are popular among the young generation,
while
 classical
music
 is preferred by the older generation.
Submitted by ahuja1221 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words music, albums, pop, rock, purchase with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

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