Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful.Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers

There has been a significant divergence of opinion revolving around whether affluent

people

society

contributors like scientists and teachers represent

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

success. From my point of view,

people

who play a pivotal role in

society

are recognised as successful.

First

and foremost, in terms of affluent

people

refer to those with monetary power that

allow

Change the verb form

allows

show examples

them to enjoy

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life to the fullest. To be specific, these

people

have

freedom

Add an article

the freedom

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to make choices where money is a deciding factor.

For instance

, they could opt for whatever means of transportation when travelling, their children have more choices regarding educational institutions.

Moreover

people

in high

society

are less likely to be affected by the economic crisis. Due to the fact that they have financial security, which supports them to overcome

hash

Add an article

the hash

show examples

condition, wealthy

people

become richer and more successful

as a result

However

, social contributors are

also

deemed as charismatic figures.

Although

they are not the wealthiest

people

, they have

significant

Add an article

a significant

show examples

public influence on others. It can be exemplified by the fact that scientists and teachers are prestigious occupations in many countries. It is apparent that they have acquired a reputation in their field of interest and contribute knowledge to social development. To specify, scientists dedicate their time and effort

Change preposition

show examples

the laboratory and come up with solutions for various problems, thereby assisting

people

’s lives. Teachers have a direct impact on students’ mindset,

as a result

, they receive

respectation

Correct your spelling

expectation

and recognition from

society

as well. To sum up,

although

people

who earn a decent amount of money are those who succeed in finance, I strongly believe that social contributors deserve to be coined as successful because they offer a powerful impact on other

people

Submitted by thanh.jenny on Fri Sep 24 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful.Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

in many countries in the world people buy clothes and choose hairstyles according to latest fashion. why is this happening? is this a positive or a negative development?

Directors of organzations receive much higher salaries than ordinary workers. Some think it is necessary, while ther think it is unfair. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

It is common nowadays for each member of family to have their own peace of modern technology. Some people think that this will lead to a break down in the family relationships and communication to what extent do you agree or disagree.

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?