IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? – Disagree -

#people #children #tv #home #school
In a world filled with technology, many people claim that youngsters can acquire knowledge efficiently through watching
television
.
Accordingly
, parents should stimulate their offspring to expose to
screen
 at both home and school environments. Considering the risky
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 associated with uncensored
television
 shows, I cannot entirely agree. Those who argue that
children
 can perceive valuable information from watching
television
 indicate the educated ness of
TV
 programs. In simple words, as
children
 grow and develop, they are undoubtedly influenced by what they see and what they hear, especially from digital devices, and thereby the
TV
 programs impact them directly on their daily practices. Some shows are educative and informative, which offer
children
 a gateway to expand their understanding.
For instance
, preschoolers can get help learning the alphabet or standard Math formulas on national
television
, or grade-schooler can engage in educational games on entertaining shows. It implies that
TV
 is an essential tool to develop
children
’s cognition; adults should allow more
screen
 time.
However
, excessive screentime can cause numerous health problems. It is because
TV
 shows are often addictive as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 of entertainment, drawing
children
 complete attention to the
screen
. The situation is made worse by the fact that lengthy exposure to the blue light emitted by the
television
 would not only gradually damage
children
’s eyesight but
also
 jeopardize their ability to concentrate.
Moreover
, as
children
 are so focused on the
screen
 that they would restrain themselves from healthier activities
such
 as playing sports, televisions are
also
 the main culprit of causing obesity, heart disease and other illness due to lack of regular exercise.
As a result
, overuse of digital
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 is an infringement
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 health. In conclusion,
although
 televisions can benefit
children
 in terms of education, their negative effects on their well-being can’t be ignored
Submitted by thanh.jenny on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: