IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? – Disagree -

#people #children #tv #home #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In a world filled with technology, many people claim that youngsters can acquire knowledge efficiently through watching
television
Use synonyms
.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, parents should stimulate their offspring to expose to
screen
Use synonyms
 at both home and school environments. Considering the risky
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 associated with uncensored
television
Use synonyms
 shows, I cannot entirely agree. Those who argue that
children
Use synonyms
 can perceive valuable information from watching
television
Use synonyms
 indicate the educated ness of
TV
Use synonyms
 programs. In simple words, as
children
Use synonyms
 grow and develop, they are undoubtedly influenced by what they see and what they hear, especially from digital devices, and thereby the
TV
Use synonyms
 programs impact them directly on their daily practices. Some shows are educative and informative, which offer
children
Use synonyms
 a gateway to expand their understanding.
For instance
Linking Words
, preschoolers can get help learning the alphabet or standard Math formulas on national
television
Use synonyms
, or grade-schooler can engage in educational games on entertaining shows. It implies that
TV
Use synonyms
 is an essential tool to develop
children
Use synonyms
’s cognition; adults should allow more
screen
Use synonyms
 time.
However
Linking Words
, excessive screentime can cause numerous health problems. It is because
TV
Use synonyms
 shows are often addictive as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 of entertainment, drawing
children
Use synonyms
 complete attention to the
screen
Use synonyms
. The situation is made worse by the fact that lengthy exposure to the blue light emitted by the
television
Use synonyms
 would not only gradually damage
children
Use synonyms
’s eyesight but
also
Linking Words
 jeopardize their ability to concentrate.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as
children
Use synonyms
 are so focused on the
screen
Use synonyms
 that they would restrain themselves from healthier activities
such
Linking Words
 as playing sports, televisions are
also
Linking Words
 the main culprit of causing obesity, heart disease and other illness due to lack of regular exercise.
As a result
Linking Words
, overuse of digital
Use synonyms
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 is an infringement
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 health. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 televisions can benefit
children
Use synonyms
 in terms of education, their negative effects on their well-being can’t be ignored
Submitted by thanh.jenny on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • source of distraction
  • educational content
  • entertainment shows
  • advertisements
  • inappropriate content
  • hinders learning
  • interactive learning opportunities
  • traditional classroom settings
  • one-way medium
  • individual learning needs
  • prolonged screen time
  • negative health effects
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • lack of physical activity
  • overall development
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • interactive, hands-on activities
  • passive television watching
  • participatory forms of learning
  • group projects
  • experiments
  • real-world problem solving
  • cognitive abilities
  • social skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: