Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?
For two centuries technological progress has developed rapidly. And some
people
believe that advancement has affected worklessness negatively. I absolutely agree with that statement, because machines are more productive and they have immunity to Hazards. Use synonyms
This
essay discusses both reasons and makes several examples Linking Words
for
them.
Change preposition
of
It
is no doubt, Correct pronoun usage
There
robots
do their work more Correct word choice
that robots
accurate
and faster than human workers. Change the word
accurately
As a result
, Linking Words
companies
owners prefer automated production lines for their quality and speed. Change the noun form
company
Moreover
, statistics show us that Linking Words
people
make a lot of mistakes that can affect on product Use synonyms
bad
. So, bosses do not want to waste their profit Change the word
badly
out of
defective goods. Change preposition
on
For example
, most huge companies Linking Words
such
as Toyota and Ford have the best quality Linking Words
of
cars. Change preposition
apply
That is
because Linking Words
people
are not involved in the building process.
The next reason why Use synonyms
people
are not the best solution for various workplaces is immunity to dangerous environments. Use synonyms
In other words
, robots can work in places where humans cannot. Linking Words
Furthermore
, human health is very vulnerable and any worker can get injured at any time, Linking Words
while
machines require only timely maintenance. Linking Words
In addition
, medical bills and insurance are not attractive things for firms’ welfare. Linking Words
For instance
, some heavy industries use special chemicals in their factories. In that case, only robots can stand in those places normally.
In conclusion, I think technological advances are responsible for unemployment in some spheres. Mainly, any mechanism does human work better and faster. What is more, machinery can be active in any environment.Linking Words
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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction needs to include a clear opinion and a preview of the main points to be discussed in the essay. The conclusion should summarize the key points and restate the opinion.
Task Achievement
The essay mostly addresses the task, providing relevant arguments for both reasons. However, the introduction and conclusion could be improved to fully meet the task requirements.
Lexical Resource
The essay maintains a good range of vocabulary, although there is room for improvement in the use of academic and formal language for a more sophisticated presentation of ideas.
Grammatical Range
There are some issues with sentence structure, word choice, and punctuation that affect the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.