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Band 3.5

Television Sport shows such as the Olympics are a good source of motivation for our youths who do not like to exercise much. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #sport #olympics #source #motivation #youths #exercise
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Television
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 shows are considered to be a good motivator source for young people who are not very keen on
excercising
Correct your spelling
exercising
.
Although
such
 events are interesting, due to their
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 nature and
also
 to their social aspect which comes with them, I do not consider these appealing shows to encourage the young to practice more. Athletic affairs, as they are shown on Television, can be empowering for youngsters. Watching athletes, who have had numerous sessions of working out,
competeing
Correct your spelling
competing
 against each other might be quite exciting. In fact, viewing these rivals beat one another and become champions would excite a young
spectator
Fix the agreement mistake
spectators
show examples
 and encourage them
to begin
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 more.
Such
occurances
Correct your spelling
occurrences
 are motivational, but they are less likely to have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 enduring effect.
In other words
,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 achievements which are obtained by the participants in those shows
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 might motivate a viewer, including a young person, for no more than a few hours. These people are not only attracted to the athletic aspect of the program, but
also
 to its social atmosphere and events around it. in conclusion, only watching a game and hoping it would increase more efforts in teens might keep them working out more for a short period of time, but in the long
run
Add a comma
,run
show examples
 their will would eventually fade away.
Submitted by masoud.sh.hosseini on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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