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Writing Samples
Band 4

Modern Shopping centre are more convenient, however, small local super markets still are have many customers. Discuss advantages and disadvantages? Which one is better

#centre #markets #customers
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Everyday Modern shopping
centres
 are opening in
suburb
Fix the agreement mistake
suburbs
show examples
 and big cities. These shopping
centres
 are convenient
as a result
 small local
markets
 are losing customers. I will explain
this
 below. On the
first
 hand, these modern shopping
centres
 are opened in every suburb. So,
it’s
 easy to get there. They have almost every type of
product
shops
Fix the agreement mistake
shop
show examples
.
Hence
, one doesn’t have to go to different
shops
 to buy different
products
. It saves petrol and money. If the
product
 is faulty
it’s
 easy to replace and get another.
Moreover
, Customer service and Cleanliness is of
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 standard. These shopping
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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 have video surveillance and security,
therefore
,
it’s
 safe to shop.
Moreover
, Modern shopping
centres
 consist of famous brand
shops
.
On the other hand
, Small local
markets
 are smaller. It is often to get overcharged by the staff. Customer service and Cleanliness is of
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
 standard.
Products
 are of poor quality. Sometimes,
it’s
 hard to find a particular
product
.
Furthermore
,
Products
 are not labelled properly and placed
untidy
Change the adjective
untidily
show examples
 on the shelves. So,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 takes time to find a particular
product
Although
, Modern shopping
centres
 are crowded with
people
. But, I think it makes
people
 happy when they see so many
people
 shopping. Many advertising
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 successful in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern shopping
centres
.
This
 helps
people
 in knowing about the
product
 and
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 uses.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the end, it is clear that modern shopping
centres
 have many advantages over small local
markets
. That’s the reason small local
markets
 are losing their popularity. .
However
, I believe that only
shops
 selling particular country’s
products
 that are not available
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in modern shopping
centres
 are still popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 those country
people
.
Submitted by dr.jotdhaliwal on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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