IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals #humans #food #research
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There is an argument over the decade about should
people
Use synonyms
 exploited the various
of
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apply
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animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 for food and research, either lets those animals stay hidden. The following paragraph will be discussed about both opinions.
Therefore
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, the conclusion has been reached.
Firstly
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, for those who
feels
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feel
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 that animal should not be exploited by
people
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 might have the idea that all of the animal species that have been discovered
,
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apply
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 have met some serious problem
such
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 as Rhino that their horn
get
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gets
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 cut off for human fashion, or Shark that met the same fate as Rhino that get rid of their fins to be a food. And,
from
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for
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 the following reason if
people
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 continue to
exploited
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exploit
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 an animal, maybe in the future there are no more
of
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apply
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various
Add an article
the various
a various
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beast
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beasts
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 in
this
Linking Words
 world.
However
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, those who argue that humans must employ
animal
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animals
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 to satisfy their various needs
such
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 as food, research might think that it's better if we have
a knowledge
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knowledge
a piece of knowledge
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 about various species in our planet, to make the technologies go
further
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 more than in the present,
for
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example
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,example
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 like in the medical research we use the blood of an animal to be base of the vaccines, or just use their entrail to cook
healthy
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a healthy
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 meal for
people
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 who needs. and there is another fact that humans always like to know everything around them. In conclusion, both of opinion has advantage and disadvantage in every point of view. But
for
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from
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 my perspective, I would agree with those who argue that we should exploit an animal because
of
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apply
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it could be dangerous to let anything to we do not know about them
Submitted by pondssp on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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