Today due to advanced medicine, people are living longer. Because of this, older people are projected to outnumber younger people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#medicine #people #development

In recent years, because of improvements in the medical subject, we witness that individuals are living many years longer than before.

Hence

, the number of old people has increased and outnumbered the younger people.

This

essay will discuss both benefits and drawbacks and as far as I am concerned, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

First

and foremost, due to advanced medicine, lots of diseases that were catastrophic and killing are no more dramatic.

However

, there are still some illnesses that harm humans' immune system but most of them are controlled because of vaccinating or producing proper syrups and pills which affect immediately.

Moreover

, the advanced methods of surgeries saved many lives beyond imagination.

Second

, every country needs enough young generation who has the strength to work many hours, yet rising the number of elders triggers an alert which is dangerous. To solve

this

issue, men in charge must encourage folks to have babies to provide youngsters to study or to work. Plus, taking care of old age people has fortune expenses which must be paid by the governments by allocating funds so

this

generation leaves a heavy burden on politics' shoulders. To summarize, we see fewer deaths in communities thanks to medical developments but it has demerits like lack of work and study power and,

also

it causes a great cost. I personally think that by providing a situation to propagate, the positive aspects outweigh the negative ones.

Submitted by a_eslami_sab on Sun Sep 26 2021

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

238 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Today due to advanced medicine, people are living longer. Because of this, older people are projected to outnumber younger people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Today, more and more people want things instantly (e.g.: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

More and more people are using mobile phones and the internet to communicate so people are losing the ability to have face-to-face conversations, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that sports are important for personal development, while others believe that they are just a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion