IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

#education #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Society
Use synonyms
 evokes a wave of controversy about whether family
education
Use synonyms
 is better than
school
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
, or vice versa. Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
education
Use synonyms
 at home is more dominant than
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 at
school
Use synonyms
, and I do not support
this
Linking Words
 statement as
school
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 brings many knowledge background for a child, expands their social life- knows how to behave with
people
Use synonyms
- and children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
going to have more motivation when they
study
Use synonyms
 with others.
Use synonyms
School
Change the article
A school
show examples
 is a place that provides
students
Use synonyms
both
Add the preposition
with both
show examples
 knowledge and social skill;
that is
Linking Words
 why
people
Use synonyms
 usually compare
school
Use synonyms
 with a
mini
Add a hyphen
mini-society
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Social skills help
students
Use synonyms
 to communicate and work with others confidently; they will be able to easily share their ideas and build up their critical thinking.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
' relatives will be closer to them- communication is the way to bring each other together-
That is
Linking Words
 why most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools tend to create group activities for
students
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in my
school
Use synonyms
, teachers regularly assign
students
Use synonyms
 activities
such
Linking Words
 as making a poster or a presentation together. Schools can
also
Linking Words
 supply many resources for
students
Use synonyms
 and diplomas that scholars cannot get when they
study
Use synonyms
 at home. Communicating not only helps
students
Use synonyms
 to integrate into
society
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 assists them to avoid mental health. Researchers have found that talking with
people
Use synonyms
 can help
people
Use synonyms
 in several ways. We can release our negative thoughts and sorrows through sharing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 even though the one
that is
Linking Words
 hearing us does not provide any solace. In conclusion, when children
study
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
, they can receive the most important skills like communication that they cannot get when they are only at home with their family. And those relationships may help them when they get a job too.
Submitted by tonykim09 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings
  • investing
  • tax obligations
  • retirement planning
  • loans
  • credit
  • interest rates
  • crowded curricula
  • traditional academic subjects
  • real-life experiences
  • parental guidance
  • practical
  • intellectually rigorous
  • school syllabus
  • gig economy
  • income-streams
  • challenging
  • trained teachers
  • specialized field
What to do next:
Look at other essays: