Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

It is true that

music

is an essential means of strengthening the bond between humans from various customs, backgrounds and generations. While I accept that

this

appears logical, I

also

believe that

this

way

may have some drawbacks. On the one hand, there is no doubt

music

is a special language to bring people together.

For example

, Hoang Thuy Linh is a singer

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

renowned for imparting Vietnamese culture in her songs.

Consequently

, foreigners who are interested in Vietnamese customs can have an insight

about

Change preposition

into

show examples

it.

Furthermore

, instrumental

music

, which is a kind of harmonies,

also

bonds people as many tunes are beyond the reach of words and in no

way

can

language

Correct article usage

a language

show examples

barrier appear.

On the other hand

, I

also

believe that

this

statement is not completely true because of some undeniable reasons.

Firstly

, it is clear that not only do harmonies make the song great but the lyrics

also

help it be more meaningful, so

cutural

Correct your spelling

cultural

differences especially

languages

Change preposition

in languages

show examples

can cause many misunderstandings as you do not really empathize with the feelings or meanings of the song.

Secondly

, the generation gap is not solved by

music

as they have different tastes in

music

,so it is too difficult to share their feelings or interests with others.

For instance

, almost all teenagers hate the country and classical

music

which are fond of by the

olders

Correct your spelling

holders

elders

In addition

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

music

imparts its senses through listening, so how can

music

bring the deaf between different cultures and ages together? For

this

reason, it is a significant disadvantage for the deaf and

this

statement. To conclude, there are some reasons to believe that

music

, which makes

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

man whole, is an excellent

way

to connect people with others, but my own view is that

this

way

does not actually make humans closer.

Submitted by hnphu79 on Mon Sep 27 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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