some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of crime, while others think that the government should spend more on punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #money #crime #government #punishment

These days, It is hard to reject that number of

crimes

have gradually increased every year around the world. In attempts to decrease

crimes

, someones allege that the

government

should advocate more budgets in order to prevent the prospect of

crimes

, whereas others argue that it can be mitigated by imposing the rules and regulations with strict

punishment

. In

this

essay, I will deliberate both viewpoints, which I presumably think that both ways are promising measures to reduce the crime rates. On the one hand,

Remove the article

apply

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vast financial support invested by the

government

can prevent the tendency of

offeces

Correct your spelling

offices

officers

because policemen have modern

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apply

show examples

and effective tools to fight against bad

people

For example

, they can easier catch

Correct your spelling

thieves

thiefs

Correct your spelling

thieves

show examples

and criminals by installing more CCTV cameras at every corner of

streets

Correct article usage

the streets

show examples

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apply

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and hiring more police officers. For

this

reason, the municipality will get rid of the

crimes

soon as most

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apply

show examples

offenders

Add an article

the offenders

show examples

are arrested by the police.

On the other hand

, imposing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

strong

punishment

for the

people

, who commit a crime, is

also

the

Correct article usage

show examples

efficient way to significantly reduce the number of

crimes

. As a stricter penalty,

people

are discouraged to do illicit

acitivities

Correct your spelling

activities

For Instance

, according to the

headquater

Correct your spelling

headquarters

headquarter

of the police

office

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officers

show examples

report, the number of

muderers

Correct your spelling

murderers

has dramatically declined by 50

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

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percents

Correct your spelling

per cent

show examples

after the

government

increased

Correct article usage

the

show examples

severity of the

punishment

from being detained in

the

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apply

show examples

jail for 30 years to being executed.

Therefore

, bad

people

dare not to commit illegal activities, and

eventually

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,eventually

show examples

our society will be safe from the offenders. In conclusion,

wheather

Correct your spelling

whether

the

government

supports more financial investment on increasing CCTV and policemen, or consolidates the severity of the

punishment

the

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apply

show examples

both measures can

succesfully

Correct your spelling

successfully

eliminate the criminal rates.

Submitted by prokoh_ja_555 on Mon Sep 27 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of crime, while others think that the government should spend more on punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Government should allow students to pay fee after graducation or it should be free? which one is best?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?

Should parents be obliged to immunise their children against common childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

You have a problem with a recently hired employee in your workplace. Write a letter to the HR manager. In your letter: Describe the problem the new employee has caused Explain how other employees about the new employee’s conduct Say how you expect the HR manager to address the situation.