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Band 4

In some countries young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation
In many countries,
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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adolescents have become wealthier, physically fit and
an
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have an
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
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 life expectancy,
still
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,still
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 they are not happy.
Although
, work pressure and loneliness are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 reasons behind it, in
order
 to tackle
this
 issue multiple steps can be taken which will be highlighted in the upcoming paragraphs. There are numerous reasons which making youngsters less happy.
First
 and foremost is,
busy
Add an article
the busy
a busy
show examples
 schedule of
people
,
people
 became workaholic, they spend most of their time in office to complete their task, in
order
 to get
promotion
Add an article
a promotion
show examples
 at
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
. They do not spend Quality time with family and friends which tends to loneliness and suffered from sadness.
Also
,
people
wants
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want
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 to have
luxurious
Add an article
a luxurious
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 lifestyle, so they run behind
money
Change preposition
on money
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instead
 of enjoying moments.
In addition
 to
this
 prolonged working
hours
 are
also
 responsible for
this
. In
order
 to solve
this
 issue, government and individual needs to take efforts.
Firstly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should limit working
hours
 for employees in every
organizations
Change to a singular noun
organization
show examples
, so that,
people
 can enjoy their life with family and friends. It not only helps to reduces their stress, but
also
 make them more happiest. To justify it, the Theme study
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
has been shown that in the Norway government fixed 8 working
hours
 for every person,
people
 looked
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
happier than
past
Add an article
a past
show examples
 time.
Secondly
, individuals should give equal importance to leisure activities as well as work. In conclusion, while, busy schedule and prolonged working
hours
 are main reasons which
making
Change the form of the verb
make
show examples
people
 unhappy, in
order
 to mitigate the problem, strict working
hours
 should be fixed by authorities.
Submitted by Sohandeepkaur9327 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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