In some countries young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation

In many countries,

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

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adolescents have become wealthier, physically fit and

Add a missing verb

have an

show examples

increase

Replace the word

increased

show examples

life expectancy,

still

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,still

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they are not happy.

Although

, work pressure and loneliness are

main

Correct article usage

the main

show examples

reasons behind it, in

order

to tackle

this

issue multiple steps can be taken which will be highlighted in the upcoming paragraphs. There are numerous reasons which making youngsters less happy.

First

and foremost is,

busy

Add an article

the busy

a busy

show examples

schedule of

people

became workaholic, they spend most of their time in office to complete their task, in

order

to get

promotion

Add an article

a promotion

show examples

work place

Correct your spelling

workplace

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. They do not spend Quality time with family and friends which tends to loneliness and suffered from sadness.

Also

people

wants

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want

show examples

to have

luxurious

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a luxurious

show examples

lifestyle, so they run behind

money

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on money

show examples

instead

of enjoying moments.

In addition

this

prolonged working

hours

are

also

responsible for

this

. In

order

to solve

this

issue, government and individual needs to take efforts.

Firstly

government

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the government

show examples

should limit working

hours

for employees in every

organizations

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organization

show examples

, so that,

people

can enjoy their life with family and friends. It not only helps to reduces their stress, but

also

make them more happiest. To justify it, the Theme study

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

has been shown that in the Norway government fixed 8 working

hours

for every person,

people

looked

Change the word

apply

show examples

happier than

past

Add an article

a past

show examples

time.

Secondly

, individuals should give equal importance to leisure activities as well as work. In conclusion, while, busy schedule and prolonged working

hours

are main reasons which

making

Change the form of the verb

make

show examples

people

unhappy, in

order

to mitigate the problem, strict working

hours

should be fixed by authorities.

Submitted by Sohandeepkaur9327 on Mon Sep 27 2021

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people today are choosing to travel to other countries. Why is that happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a professional fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

The diagram details the process of making smoked fish

Some people think that the government should establish free libraries in each town. Others, however, believe that it is a waste of money since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?