Some people think that the crime among teenagers is increasing because of violent video games. To what extent you agree or disagree?

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Although

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these days everything has become computerized and teens love using social media,some of

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this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

uses can have serious issues.It is anyway agreed that some people think the crime among teenagers increasing because of violent video games.

This

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will be proven by analyzing in the following sentence.

First

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, watching and playing some video business can be dangerous because of the contents of those games.If the play consists of killing and slaughtering ,absolutely it has an awful impact on their's behaviour as if they became monsters;

moreover

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,these resonate increased significantly.

For instance

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, unfortunately, Iranian youth show themselves because of these inappropriate behaviours, especially in schools in fact it is better for their parents to have huge monitors on their's children ,and if they are not able to

this

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monitor,teens will be broken soon.

As a result

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this

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fact it is clear why agrees whit

this

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claim.

Second

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,children, because of their imagination, think that they are beyond the characters of the game ;

in addition

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, they believe they belong in games and they trucking themselves,so they want to become big characters overnight or even the city mafia ,

otherwise

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they become depressed ,and in another ,way they will be criminals ;

furthermore

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, their life's stories became craps,and wherever they go, they do spoiled,

such

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as adolescent mafia gangs in

third

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world countries like Venezuela,and government should have a program for future that the statistics of these crimes should come down.After analyzing these facts it is clear why some teenagers have been criminals always. In conclusion,we understood younger citizens need to more than control because of different reasons that were said,and definitely, the video business cause serious harm to teenagers,so it is recommended that more attention should be paid to them and they should be monitored.

atena.zahedi74Tue Sep 28 2021

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Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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Some people think that the crime among teenagers is increasing because of violent video games. To what extent you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views.

Percentage of Population Aged 65 and Over in Three Countries (1900-2000) Year Australia Belgium Costa Rica 1990 5% 8% 3% 1950 7% 10% 4% 2000 15% 18% 12%

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.