Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work. Why do you think it is happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?
In the present day, the number of adults moving to other countries has been increasingly popular among individuals.
This
phenomenon is responsible for high rates of immigration. This
essay will discuss why this
episode happens and if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
First and foremost, living in another country is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. There are a plethora of positive sides
but also
there are negative sides
such
as the lack of family and close friends; in addition
, the idea of embarking on a new career in a different place is a complex and hard decision, since the individuals would need to start from the scratch. For example
, some research shows that in the first months
the person needs to save a lot of money in case of unexpected situations; Add a comma
months,
moreover
, this
person can present symptoms related to anxiety and depression, compromising their mental health due to
difficulties and absence of familiar faces.
Secondly
, in the fast-paced world with the advance of globalization and technology people have much more opportunities to study and work in any part of the world. Although
some small cities are in process
of development, it is in the enormous urban centres that citizens can make better choices which Correct article usage
the process
lead
to peopleCorrect subject-verb agreement
leads
move
to Wrong verb form
moving
another country
seeking better opportunities for jobs and Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
also
studies. Furthermore
, the advantages are innumerous
since they not only can learn a new international language but Replace the word
numerous
also
can make a name for themselves through hands-on experience in prestigious international companies. For instance
, a young who studies abroad has much more chances to be selected to work in big cities such
as New York and Toronto different from a boy who preferred
to continue studying in his hometown. For these cited reasons, certainly, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
In conclusion, immigration is a serious process that can change completely the lives of people who looking for better opportunities. Studying and working abroad can broaden the horizons of any individual as they will contact with different cultures. Wrong verb form
prefers
This
essay discoursed
why Verb problem
discusses
this
process has been happened
and Change to the active voice
happened
explained
why the positive Wrong verb form
explains
sides
outweigh the negative sides
.Submitted by larissafelipin on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction introduces the main topic well, but it could be improved by being more specific about the points you will cover in the essay.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical issues and awkward phrasings that affect the clarity of your ideas. For instance, 'This phenomenon is responsible for high rates of immigration' could be expressed more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the fluency and interest of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-organized and follow a logical progression, but the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using more transition words could improve the flow.
task achievement
Some of your examples, while relevant, could be more direct in supporting your points. For instance, the example about the young person studying abroad could be more closely tied to the advantages of living in another country.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
You discuss both advantages and disadvantages of living in another country, showing a balanced approach.
task achievement
Your essay ends with a strong conclusion that reiterates your main points effectively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?