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Writing Samples
Band 5

Children often eat food that is not good for their health. What do you think are the causes of this and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Nowadays, unhealthy eating has led to many consequences, typically
obesity
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 in
children
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. We need to appropriately control childhood
obesity
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 that can alleviate the difficulties in childhood
obesity
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. To be honest, it is more difficult to address the factors that contribute to
obesity
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 when our
food
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 contains a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of calories, fat and sugar, and they
also
Linking Words
 cause many diseases
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, heart disease and mental disorders. One reason behind
this
Linking Words
 is the fact that families are too busy leading to their
children
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 having to eat fast
food
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 and drink soft drinks often leads to
children
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 being inactive and harmful to health. The use of chemical preservatives in junk
food
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 may cause serious health problems. In a survey, it has been found that
children
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 consuming more junk
food
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 are prone to
obesity
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 and have
weak
Add an article
a weak
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 immune
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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, which is a serious issue.
As a result
Linking Words
,
parents
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’ duties and responsibilities are important for protecting
children
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 from
obesity
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 trends.
Parents
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 must act to always provide nutritious
food
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 in each meal of their
children
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, and one more important thing is
parents
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 must spend more time outdoors with them.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
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 must cooperate with the school to prevent fast
food
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 advertising brands near the school.
This
Linking Words
 will be a good suggestion so that the
children
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 are not able to see and they may not have
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
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food
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 cravings. In conclusion, junk
food
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 has become a convenient option for the young generation due to its abundance and fancy advertisement, but it has severe consequences on the health of the young ones. So
parents
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 and
school
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schools
show examples
 should take appropriate steps to make sure that their
children
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 opt for healthy options for prolong and healthy life ahead.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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