IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, working-class
people
Use synonyms
 are more likely to have
health
Use synonyms
 issues who are reluctant to conduct
Use synonyms
exercise
Add an article
the exercise
an exercise
show examples
 in their leisure
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
 as well as
office
Change preposition
during office
show examples
 hour.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because of excessive
work
Use synonyms
 pressure, overtime, spending too much time with
gadgets
Use synonyms
 which leads to lethargy to do
Add an article
the workout
a workout
show examples
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reason behind
this
Linking Words
 and the possible solution to overcome the problem. To start with, owing to a sedentary lifestyle,
people
Use synonyms
 are busier with their
work
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, sometimes they do overtime in the office as well as late-night office. Evidently, they do not get proper time to take care of themselves which detriment their
health
Use synonyms
 gradually.
For instance
Linking Words
, IT professionals who
work
Use synonyms
 05 days
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a week, spend weekends doing grocery, cleaning
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and cooking for their house and family and these are the group with maximum
health
Use synonyms
 issues. , To make the matter most,
people
Use synonyms
 have to deal with the high workload in the
work
Use synonyms
 station;
therefore
Linking Words
, it leads to different
health
Use synonyms
 issues like heart stroke and so on.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we are now living in a tech world. Everyone has
gadgets
Use synonyms
 where they spend too much moment.
As a result
Linking Words
, they do not keen on
exercise
Use synonyms
 leaving the
gadgets
Use synonyms
 behind.
However
Linking Words
, it has been said that if there is a problem, there is a solution.
First
Linking Words
 of all, all the companies can play a remarkable role who can organize events on physical activity to encourage the employees and establish a gymnasium
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the government should enforce law and order to all organizations to compel the employees at least half an hour
exercise
Use synonyms
 every day.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, there should be positive advertisements on social media about the benefits of
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not the least, all
working-class
Correct article usage
the working-class
show examples
 population should understand the harmfulness of excessive use of
gadgets
Use synonyms
 and social media. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 do not get enough intentional body movements because the luxury of time is not available to them and can be resolved if a country's policymakers intervene.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: