IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
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Nowadays, working-class
people
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 are more likely to have
health
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 issues who are reluctant to conduct
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exercise
Add an article
the exercise
an exercise
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 in their leisure
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
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 as well as
office
Change preposition
during office
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 hour.
This
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 is mainly because of excessive
work
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 pressure, overtime, spending too much time with
gadgets
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 which leads to lethargy to do
Add an article
the workout
a workout
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workout
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workouts
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the reason behind
this
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 and the possible solution to overcome the problem. To start with, owing to a sedentary lifestyle,
people
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 are busier with their
work
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.
In addition
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 to that, sometimes they do overtime in the office as well as late-night office. Evidently, they do not get proper time to take care of themselves which detriment their
health
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 gradually.
For instance
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, IT professionals who
work
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 05 days
in
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apply
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a week, spend weekends doing grocery, cleaning
,
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apply
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 and cooking for their house and family and these are the group with maximum
health
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 issues. , To make the matter most,
people
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 have to deal with the high workload in the
work
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 station;
therefore
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, it leads to different
health
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 issues like heart stroke and so on.
Moreover
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, we are now living in a tech world. Everyone has
gadgets
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 where they spend too much moment.
As a result
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, they do not keen on
exercise
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 leaving the
gadgets
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 behind.
However
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, it has been said that if there is a problem, there is a solution.
First
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 of all, all the companies can play a remarkable role who can organize events on physical activity to encourage the employees and establish a gymnasium
center
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centre
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.
Secondly
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, the government should enforce law and order to all organizations to compel the employees at least half an hour
exercise
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 every day.
Thirdly
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, there should be positive advertisements on social media about the benefits of
exercise
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.
Last
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 but not the least, all
working-class
Correct article usage
the working-class
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 population should understand the harmfulness of excessive use of
gadgets
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 and social media. In conclusion,
people
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 do not get enough intentional body movements because the luxury of time is not available to them and can be resolved if a country's policymakers intervene.
Submitted by evanalamdu on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
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