Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time 9n sports.Why is ot?Is it a positive or negative development?

this

Linking Words

modern society,it is deemed that the younglings are deploying the majority of their hours on playing digital technologies

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

while using a minute time on outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

essay will explain that the advancement in the addictiveness of automatic play is the main reason and it results in more of impinge impact than the salutary effect. To embark with, today's youth are being engrossed in laptop

games

Use synonyms

owing to the presence of a variety of attractive

activities

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.To elaborate,due to the emergence of modernisation,unlike erstwhile periods children can play

games

Use synonyms

indoors without engaging with other pupils ,as the modern machines consist of various

activities

Use synonyms

along with rewards.

Furthermore

Linking Words

,these visuals with audio play not only

emerse

Correct your spelling

emerge

them to continue the play but

also

Linking Words

render a plethora of satisfaction at the end without engaging in physical hardship.Whereas, outdoor action required more physical

activities

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which preclude the current pupils from engaging. To exemplify,it was evident that more than 50%of the youngsters across the globe prefer playing computer

games

Use synonyms

owing to the diverse addictive play. In my opinion,too much usage of cyber

games

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by younglings can

ensue

Correct your spelling

ensure

show examples

severe drawbacks.To specify, consistent usage of indoor internet

activities

Use synonyms

can result in having numerous health crises from a young age.

Although

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the cons are not visible at the moment,

Correct pronoun usage

they

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can be gradually seen during the ageing process.In fact, ailments entailing overweight,vision problems,back pain, body stiffness and decreased metabolism are the common diseases acknowledged in current youth,which was an unfeasible condition in the past.

For instance

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,an American paediatrician has evidenced that ,currently more than 60%of the offspring who are addicted to computer

games

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are suffering from the various disease compared to other. To conclude,I want to reiterate that the surge in attractiveness of cyber

games

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is the chief cause of the children getting engrossed in its

activities

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Therefore

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,I believe that it has more of a demerit than merit,as it leads to major health hazards in children including vision problems and weight gain from childhood.

tnyidon193

Sep 30, 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

321 words

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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time 9n sports.Why is ot?Is it a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

News stories on TV and in newspapers are very often accompanied by pictures. Some people say that these pictures are more effective than words. What is your opinion about this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, government should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

In many large cities, people have to spend hours driving in heavy traffic every day. What are the effects of this on society and the individual? What can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.