IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Getting promotions is one of the biggest motivators for hard work in the modern workplace. Why are people so driven to receive promotions? What other factors motivate people to work hard?

#promotions #motivators #work #workplace #people #factors
Getting promotions is one of the biggest motivators for hard
work
 in the modern workplace. Why are
people
 so driven to receive promotions? What other factors motivate
people
 to
work
 hard? Nowadays most
people
work
 harder to get
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
show examples
 and it is the best way to motivate
people
.
This
 essay will discuss why it is so and
suggest
Replace the word
suggestions
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other factors, which motivate
workers
 to be productive.
First
 of all, a major reason for being obsessed
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 career growth is life satisfaction. Each one wants to have better conditions for living and money would help to rich that. A mass media, news and advertisement
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 a perfect
people
’s surrounding, meanwhile makes
people
 feel
dissatisfaction
Add an article
a dissatisfaction
show examples
 from their life and seek to follow them. Of course, it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
amount
Add an article
the amount
an amount
show examples
 of money,
fortunately
Add a comma
,fortunately
show examples
 high salary can be enough to allow that. No one could just change
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
, because they are afraid of being unemployed,
also
workers
 employee could choose
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
show examples
 of profession, cause of lack of education on other spheres. It remains the
last
 way, which isn’t so risky, like a promotion.
In addition
 for most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the people
show examples
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
 an elevation means that employers appreciate them and they feel
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
more valuable in society.
However
, there are other methods equally helpful to keep
workers
’
motivation
Replace the word
motivated
show examples
 for intensive
work
.
For instance
, to add events or often give recommendations. Similar
work days
Correct your spelling
workdays
show examples
 for
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 period is busy for everyone.
Amount
Correct article usage
The amount
show examples
 of similar works make
people
 feel a lack of value of
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
, so they lose motivation early. New events for 10
minute
Fix the agreement mistake
minutes
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every day or week could fill a workplace
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
 and help to be active. Sometimes
workers
 fall on doing jobs cause of mistakes or
misunderstanding
Fix the agreement mistake
misunderstandings
show examples
. If employees or old
workers
 will give some recommendations, it would increase productivity. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 promotion motivate by rising social voluble and status and it is
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
non risky
Add a hyphen
non-risky
show examples
 way for earning more money. New events and
help
Correct article usage
the help
show examples
 of experienced
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 could
also
 provide motivation.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: