IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#studies #teenagers #person #case #measures #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most researches show that a number of juveniles have a tendency to meet with other
people
Use synonyms
 online rather than meeting in person.
This
Linking Words
 aim can be explained by the benefits of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 era,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
however
Linking Words
 many suggest that teenagers should be spending their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 with other
people
Use synonyms
 without using technology, one by one
in particular
Linking Words
. Adolescents are very intelligent when their technological skills comparing with the rest of
people
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that forcing these young
people
Use synonyms
 to spend more
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
meeting others
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside will affect their personal improvement.
However
Linking Words
, we have extraordinary possibilities to using cutting-edge technology which develop our lives significantly. In my opinion, teenagers can be socialised online, I can not find any negative point
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have a lot of benefits while spending more
time
Use synonyms
 at their homes.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can save more
time
Use synonyms
 or they do not have flu while talking to other
people
Use synonyms
 in person without any mask. A friend of mine has a plethora of friends, but she has not been met without the internet until today. She believes that she protect herself from other harmful and toxic exposures and she can do other activities at the same moment. Teenager’s attitudes can be negotiable when their thoughts are not clear, but we have some responsibilities to encourage them to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
to meet
Change the verb form
meeting
show examples
 others outside. Young
people
Use synonyms
’s
this
Linking Words
 aim seems to us beneficial,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 we can support their health as well. The most remarkable reason to support my idea is, we can force them to have some fresh air. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are always in a room to connect internet via some gadgets and it is hard to be healthy. It can be hard sometimes, but we must be persistent to persuade them to enrol in outdoor activities.
In addition
Linking Words
, using online platforms make them less sensitive to other
people
Use synonyms
 and we can explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the advantages of meeting
people
Use synonyms
 in person to prevent
this
Linking Words
 wrong behaviour.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, the thriving
people
Use synonyms
 will be more selfish in future. Taking everything into consideration, using technology to be in touch is very useful nowadays.
However
Linking Words
, while using
this
Linking Words
 big opportunity we should create balance when avoiding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some inappropriate situations and we should support teenagers about being outside with others.
Submitted by basakdiclesahin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • curate
  • engaging
  • social anxiety
  • digital detox
  • tech-free zones
  • mentorship programs
  • real-world interactions
  • face-to-face settings
  • in-person participation
  • promote
  • deter
  • foster
  • appeal
  • perspectives
  • detox challenges
  • community service
What to do next:
Look at other essays: