The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that entertainment
such
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as video
games
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on handheld devices has become increasingly popular. Some people believe that
this
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development is harmful to both individuals and society,
while
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others argue that it can
also
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bring certain benefits.
Although
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some may agree with
this
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view, I am opposed to it
due to
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several reasons, which will be examined in
this
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essay. One of the most apparent reasons is that handheld video
games
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can provide entertainment and cognitive benefits when used appropriately. To illustrate, many
games
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are designed to improve problem-solving skills, concentration, and hand–eye coordination.
For instance
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, strategy-based or puzzle
games
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require players to think critically and make quick decisions, which can enhance mental abilities.
In addition
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, portable devices allow people to relax and reduce stress during their free time, which can contribute to
overall
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well-being. Another point that should not be overlooked is that excessive use of handheld gaming devices can have negative consequences. To clarify, spending too much time on
games
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may lead to addiction, reduced physical activity, and social isolation.
For example
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, individuals who play
games
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excessively may neglect their studies, work, or personal relationships, which can affect both their personal development and social interaction.
This
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suggests that
while
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gaming itself is not inherently harmful, misuse can lead to serious problems. To recapitulate, it is evident that handheld video
games
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can offer cognitive and recreational benefits,
while
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their main drawback is the risk of overuse and its negative effects.
Therefore
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, I believe that
such
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entertainment is not entirely harmful, and its impact depends largely on how it is used, with moderation being the key to maintaining a healthy balance.

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task response
Make your main view more direct in the first part. Say clearly that you mostly disagree, not just that you are opposed for some reasons.
task response
Add one more clear example about how society is helped or harmed. This will make your answer feel more full.
task response
Explain the word society more. You talk well about people, but the social side needs a bit more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, but a few like 'To clarify' and 'To recapitulate' sound a bit forced.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear focus in each body part. The second body part moves from your main side to the other side, so your line is a bit less strong.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentences more simple and direct. This will help the reader follow your plan more easily.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with an opening, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are easy to follow in most parts.
task response
You answer the question and give your own view.
task response
You use examples to support your points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
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