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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in art?

#art #part #cultures #world #people #focus #science #technology #business #interest
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Art
Use synonyms
 has been always been an
indispensible
Correct your spelling
indispensable
 part
in
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of
show examples
 every
cultures
Change to a singular noun
culture
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 from all over the world.
However
Linking Words
, in the age of industrialization and modernization,
art
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 is not considered to be
on
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apply
show examples
the top priority like it used to be anymore. Nowadays, the number of
people
Use synonyms
opt
Correct pronoun usage
who opt
show examples
 for
art
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 is diminishing dramatically, and the majority is going for science, technology and especially business.
This
Linking Words
 essay is aimed at discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 trend, and solutions in detail to
this
Linking Words
.
Art
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 plays an important role in every
societies
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society
show examples
 and
cultures
Change to a singular noun
culture
show examples
,
through
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throughout
show examples
 the history of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human being. Since
human
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humans
show examples
 walked on their feet, knew to use tools in their daily lives,
art
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 started to be formed. We can see pictures carved on the walls in stone caves, it was the oldest evidence about the appearance of
art
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
people
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 are now losing their interest
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it in the modern world. One of the biggest reasons is the lack of financial freedom. Even in the past, becoming an
artists
Correct the article-noun agreement
artist
show examples
 was never considered to be a good job with
stable
Add an article
a stable
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 salary. Gifted artists like Van Gogh, Da Vinci ended up their lives in poorness. Today,
this
Linking Words
 situation tends to remain unchanged. Those who pursuing
art
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 have to struggle to earn a living
however
Linking Words
 talented they are.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the others who choose to apply themselves to science, technology and business seem to have
a much better lives
Correct the article-noun agreement
a much better life
much better lives
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, with competitive salaries as well.
However
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, it is causing a huge loss of cultural heritages and steps can be taken to prevent
this
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Governments can help in reviving the dying
art
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 by creating a budget solely for the
Art
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.
This
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 money can
then
Linking Words
 be utilized to open
art
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 schools, which offer jobs to
art
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 graduates. To add on, some frequent competitions and exhibitions can attract more
people
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 and tourists which can generate more income. When
people
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 see a good amount of money they can freely choose to become an artist. To conclude, Loss of
Art
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 can be
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of some cultural heritage. Most
people
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 are choosing to go for Science, Businesses and Technology
instead
Linking Words
 of
Art
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, due to financial constraints. But enough
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 from, everyone can turn
people
Use synonyms
 towards the arts.
Submitted by minhneuforworks on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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