IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#world #animals #food #products #medicines
The
first
 argument given to support my opinion is that there is a great evolution of many aspects of society. People are gradually aware of the benefits of eating
vegetables
. We should follow some nutrition experts advice that eats more
vegetables
 and reduces meats that provide more nutritious for our health .
Furthermore
, most of us want to have good looking with
Add an article
a
show examples
slim body that the reason why people like to eat
vegetables
 and fruits than meat. In manufacturing, advanced technology
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 us to produce many goods
such
 as clothes, shoes, medicines and so on without using
materials
 from
animals
. We can use natural
materials
 like wool or man-made
materials
 like cotton, silicon and so on. Another reason for using other
materials
 which are
alternative
Fix the agreement mistake
alternatives
show examples
 for
animals
 that to protect the environment and help
animals
. In conclusion, I entirely agree that there is no need of using
animals
 for food or other products. We completely can use
another things
Replace the adjective
another thing
other things
show examples
 like
vegetables
 or many other
materials
 to alter
animals
 in the manufacture and consume food.
Submitted by ngochai4354 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: