IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. Do you agree or disagree.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 love games that involve life-threatening risks and some enjoy games that are safe and fun.
Sports
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 like sky diving and skiing are too risky and the cost of a mishap in
this
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 event is a ruined career or death. Some
people
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 argue that these
sports
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activities
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 should be restricted.
Although
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, these events are risky, banning them entirely is not the way to go. For several
people
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, these
activities
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 are mere livelihood. I partially agreed that these
sports
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 should be banned.
However
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, there are some points that should be considered before making a final call.
To begin
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, there are several professionals for whom these events are only a livelihood.
Activities
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 like sky diving and skiing are not only performed for fun but
also
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 for military exercises, conveyance, goods delivery and other needs. Owing to these needs, banning the sport could cause an adverse impact on a certain population and violate their traditional ways.
For instance
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,
people
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 in polar regions need to practice skiing in order to survive
such
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 extreme conditions and perform their daily
activities
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.
On the other hand
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, these
sports
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 can be banned for those that just play
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 for fun as it costs the life of a person or his career due to a small mishap. There are several ways for a person to entertain themselves and feel joy, specifically, those that don't involve risk. One clear example to support the argument is the recent study on accidents caused due to extreme
sports
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 where it was noted that one in 300 visitors met with an accident and 95% of the accidents are met by unprofessional. To reiterate, Games like skiing and sky diving involves life-threatening risk and should be banned for visitors, particularly, for
people
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 that have no valid experience.
Nevertheless
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, there should be no restrictions to native
people
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 for whom these events are mere livelihood.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • risk threshold
  • thrill-seeking
  • safety protocols
  • hazard assessment
  • adventure tourism
  • regulatory framework
  • personal autonomy
  • informed consent
  • risk mitigation strategies
  • thrill-seeking behavior
  • protective gear
  • extreme athleticism
  • freedom of choice
  • accident prevalence
  • emergency response
  • courage and resilience
  • endorphin release
  • legal implications
  • peer pressure effects
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