IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organistions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organistions
Should I work for the same company for my entire working
life
 or should I work for different ones?
This
 question is one of the questions that normally
pop-up
Correct your spelling
pop up
show examples
 in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workers’
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. Both
ways
 have their own benefits.
However
, the decision should be carefully made because each
ways
Change to a singular noun
way
show examples
 have its own cost. Being in the same company has various advantages.
Firstly
, employees don’t need to adapt to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 environment, due to their familiarity with colleagues and working processes. So, they can save their time and energies for excelling
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 own tasks.
Secondly
, employees have more time to present their abilities to their supervisors, so that workers could have more chances to get promoted. Even though staying in the same place can bring stability in
life
 both financially and mentally,
this
 could bring boredom to workers.
In contrast
, working in different companies can bring many opportunities. Not only the opportunity of boosting their salaries up
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 being able to learn new things and new processes which workers haven’t known before.
Moreover
, the best results of work can be delivered by the one who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 worked for different organizations, because they have seen a variety of
ways
 to solve problems.
Nevertheless
, at some point in
life
, humans normally need their
life
 to be steady.
Hence
, the idea of changing
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 might not be in their minds anymore. There are many advantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 both
ways
 of decisions. I feel that it depends on the workers’
life
 situation at that time.
However
, I recommend younger employees should explore
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more experiences through various organizations to be able to make good decisions in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by faiphad.i on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: