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Band 4.5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#computer #effects #children
In
this
mordern
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modern
 era , many
individual
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individuals
show examples
 rely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technical devices for their work . Use of the
computer
 by the youngsters as daily routine
have
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has
show examples
 many drawbacks
then
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than
show examples
 benefits . I totally agree with
this
 statement . To began with , it really
affect
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affects
show examples
 the health of the
children
 .
Although
,
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apply
show examples
they usually sit
on
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in
show examples
 a place to use
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 for many hours , they have to suffer from many
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
 like weak eye
sights
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sight
show examples
, back pain and obesity
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 small age .
In addition
 , it
lead
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leads
show examples
 them to the wrong ways .
However
 , they use it for study
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 or games , they can be attracted
toward
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the sites which they do not have to watch
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 younger age .
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
 ,
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 easy way to
grap
Correct your spelling
grab
grasp
 more and more knowledge , it
distrached
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distracted
children
 from physical activities and practical learning . To illustrate ,
eventhough
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even though
 ,
children
 are being on the
computer
 for learning or playing games , they totally forget about the outdoor games which helps them to be fit and healthy . Apart from
this
 , they do not be able to learn practically which is
tradition
Correct article usage
a tradition
show examples
 and most factual part of
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
 . In the conclusion ,
Although
 ,
computer
Add an article
the computer
show examples
 really helps the
children
 in their studies or to
grap
Correct your spelling
grab
grasp
 more knowledge , its drawback can not be negligible
Submitted by kiranghuman43 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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