Gone are the days when children dreamed of becoming doctors and nurses – today’s children want to become YouTubers or vloggers. According to a survey of 1,000 children aged six to 17, more than three quarters of them say they’d consider a career in online videos. It is dangerous for kids to aspire to become a YouTube sensation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #doctors #nurses #today’s #youtubers #vloggers #survey #six #three #quarters #they’d #career #videos #kids #youtube #sensation

There was a

time

when every student dreamt of becoming either a doctor or a teacher but nowadays the scenario has reversed and becoming a YouTuber or a vlogger is in trend. Approximately 75% of youngsters consider their future in online videos. Through

this

essay, I will discuss

this

change of shift and will give my viewpoint on it.

To begin

with, if we see a holistic view,

YouTubers

and

vloggers

do not need to pass a certain age limit, in

fact

Add a comma

fact,

show examples

school going

Add a hyphen

school-going

show examples

kid can follow

this

occupation

whereas

doctors or nurses need to complete their degrees to practice their profession. The reason for

this

change stated by children is that

YouTubers

and

vloggers

gain popularity in

short

Correct article usage

a short

show examples

span

while

it takes years to settle down in other fields.

On the contrary

, the profession of

YouTubers

and

vloggers

is not permanent as new

YouTubers

and

vloggers

replace them from

time

. As people like variety in their lives

likewise

new

YouTubers

and

vloggers

keep on becoming their favourites.

Furthermore

who

Correct determiner usage

those who

show examples

roast celebrities online are being watched more and

hence

people get motivated to make

such

kinds of videos which preach a bad lesson to society.

In contrast

, doctors and nurses have a Godly image in society as they save

lives

Correct article usage

the lives

show examples

of people.

Moreover

Add a comma

Moreover,

show examples

amidst covid situation, it is observed that doctors and nurses sacrificed their

time

with their families and did not pay any heed to their safety and served patients.

To conclude

, I would like to argue that vlogging and YouTubing should be limited to as a hobby and

such

passions should be followed that can help our societies and brings satisfaction to our life.

Submitted by harleenkaur2806 on Sun Oct 03 2021

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Task Achievement

Inadequate support for main points

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

279 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fully explain your ideas

"Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development?"

Online shopping is now replacing shopping in the store. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It is as important to teach children to protect the environment as it is to teach them to read and write. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Currently, there is a trend toward alternative forms of medicine. However, at best these methods are ineffective, and at worst, they may be dangerous. To what extent do you agree with this statement?