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Band 4.5

Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #celebrations #holidays #festivals #people #government
It is true that the
governments
 fund huge revenue on every celebration in different countries. Other people believe that the
governments
 could invest in something more profitable. In my opinion, I agree up to a point. According to
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
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, technology has continued to develop, so facilities could have more convenience too. Everyone has to pay taxes that are deducted from their income from work to the
governments
 due to elected
governments
 saying to every person that they will invest the proceeds from the people's tax to be used to develop the community.
For instance
, the
governments
 could renovate or change the old things out and replace them with something new
such
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transport that has been in use for many years. According to Thailand, that was low technology than other countries
such
 a Japan, China or South Korea, the
governments
 might
to
Change the verb form
apply
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develop our country spend human's tax for what is needed;
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
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 train or smart bus. From my point of view, citizens' taxes could not be spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any unessential things which did not have
benefit
Add an article
the benefit
a benefit
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 to our society
such
 as public festivals or
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
 that involved the national. It was a waste of money for nothing that happened in just a few days which has nothing to do with the people at all. To summarize, taxes could not
to
Change the verb form
apply
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waste for nothing that
not
Add a missing verb
does not
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 have any
beneficail
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to the citizens in each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
. Essentially,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
governments
 could have thinking that always thinks to develop society to move forward.
Submitted by plsmckc on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocate funds
  • cultural heritage
  • national pride
  • balanced approach
  • stimulate local economies
  • social cohesion
  • fostering social harmony
  • opportunity costs
  • address crucial issues
  • effective governance
  • public funds
  • overall societal benefit
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