Some people say cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others say this is the only way to save such traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People travel to understand
different
Add an article
the different

The noun phrase different culture seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
culture which exists in different parts of the world and the easiest way to experience them is through the tourist attractions in that place. There is a heated discussion on whether
such
tourism
projects are conserving or degrading the traditions of a place.
A
Remove the article
Further

The indefinite article, A, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun insight in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
further
insight into the pros and cons
the
Change preposition
of the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
latter discussion is required to arrive at a proper conclusion. The advantages of showcasing native attractions aimed at
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists

It seems that tourist may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
are to be discussed
first
. When the artform or
crafts
of a country is displayed in front of a
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
foreigner

The word foriegn is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

and native crowd, the art and
crafts
are preserved and carried on to the
next
generation
nevertheless
, it can even spur interest in
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least

The word atleast is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

some of the viewers to
further
study about that craft.
Although
preserving the art is important, it is equally important to support the artist, the money the artist receives from performing is
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun support in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
great support.
For instance
, people from all over the world travel to India to experience
it’s
Replace the word
its

It appears that the contraction it’s should be a possessive pronoun instead. Consider changing it.

show examples
cutural
Correct your spelling
cultural

The word cutural is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

diversity, there is a huge amount of population working in the
tourism
sector and
crafts
from coir, bamboo, clay etc are mainly focusing on a
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign

The word foriegn is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

customer.
Kadhakali
Correct your spelling
Kathakali

The word Kadhakali is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

,
Kadhak
Correct your spelling
Kathak

The word Kadhak is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

, are old dance forms
which
Correct pronoun usage
that

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
are still performed only because there is demand for them in
tourism
sectors.
Although
, there are many advantages they are often diminished due to the commercialisation of
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
sector, which adversely affect the cultural history of a place. Hotels and holiday companies often charge hefty fees from tourists but the service provided would be cheap and products sold
are often fakes
Change the verb form
often fake

It appears that the form of the verb fakes does not work with are in this sentence.

show examples
. The people who perform are often inexperienced and are not having any background in that field,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter as a result. Consider adding the comma(s).

show examples
the original tradition is modified and its value is degraded.
For example
,
Kadhakali
Correct your spelling
Kathakali

The word Kadhakali is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

a dance form which used to happen overnight is now being performed for just 5 minutes, similar is the case for ayurvedic treatments which lasted for months now is done in a day, even worst is the market for
counterfiet
Correct your spelling
counterfeit

The word counterfiet is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

crafts
which deals from simple coir products to crystals. In conclusion, looking at the advantages and disadvantages, I believe that converting traditional values into
tourism
provides
great
Add an article
a great

The noun phrase great opportunity seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
opportunity for the natives and will help in preserving the culture,
however
strict monitoring is required from the authority to make sure that the cultural essence is not lost.
Submitted by nigilmasedon3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays: