IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as smartphones, are making people less socially active. Do you agree or disagree?

A matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue of
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 technology like mobile phones are affecting human beings social life. I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
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 with the given notion and will explain the logical standpoint in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Initially
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, in
this
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 technological
era
Add a comma
,era
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 there are a plethora of
devices
Use synonyms
 are available
such
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 as smartphones, laptops and many more.
People
Use synonyms
 are using these technical
devices
Use synonyms
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
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 their
prefrences
Correct your spelling
preferences
 and needs, but
this
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 accessibility leads
towards
Change preposition
to
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 many problems, one of the major
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
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 is that
people
Use synonyms
 are completely forgetting their social life and interaction with their loved ones and others.
For instance
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, nowadays every family
members
Fix the agreement mistake
member
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 has their own mobile phones and it seems most of the time
people
Use synonyms
 are not communicating with each other under one roof because of these gadgets.
Moreover
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, while morning walks and other physical activities like gym and weight lifting
people
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 mostly
prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to
listen
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tolisten
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 music on their cellphones
instead
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 of chatting or interacting with others. Apart from it, especially kids these days are like to play indoor games on the gadgets
instead
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 of outdoor games that effecting a lot to kids both physically and mentally,
as a result
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 of
this
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 they are becoming less socialise and remains busy in the gaming world.
For example
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, according to the latest survey conducted by the
university
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University
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 of Australia that approximately eighty
percent
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per cent
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 of kids are
induldge
Correct your spelling
indulge
indulged
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technical
devices
Use synonyms
instead
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 of physical activities. To conclude, in
this
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 era of invention
everyday
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every day
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 lots of forms of these
devices
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 are launching and
people
Use synonyms
 are addicting
with
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to
show examples
 these inventions, government can play a vital role to overcome
this
Linking Words
 soaring issue.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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