IELTS Writing Correction Service /
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Band 5.5

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as smartphones, are making people less socially active. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #inventions #smartphones
A matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue of
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 technology like mobile phones are affecting human beings social life. I
am completely agree
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completely agree
show examples
 with the given notion and will explain the logical standpoint in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Initially
, in
this
 technological
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 there are a plethora of
devices
 are available
such
 as smartphones, laptops and many more.
People
 are using these technical
devices
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
show examples
 their
prefrences
Correct your spelling
preferences
 and needs, but
this
 accessibility leads
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
 many problems, one of the major
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
 is that
people
 are completely forgetting their social life and interaction with their loved ones and others.
For instance
, nowadays every family
members
Fix the agreement mistake
member
show examples
 has their own mobile phones and it seems most of the time
people
 are not communicating with each other under one roof because of these gadgets.
Moreover
, while morning walks and other physical activities like gym and weight lifting
people
 mostly
prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 music on their cellphones
instead
 of chatting or interacting with others. Apart from it, especially kids these days are like to play indoor games on the gadgets
instead
 of outdoor games that effecting a lot to kids both physically and mentally,
as a result
 of
this
 they are becoming less socialise and remains busy in the gaming world.
For example
, according to the latest survey conducted by the
university
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University
show examples
 of Australia that approximately eighty
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of kids are
induldge
Correct your spelling
indulge
indulged
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technical
devices
instead
 of physical activities. To conclude, in
this
 era of invention
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 lots of forms of these
devices
 are launching and
people
 are addicting
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these inventions, government can play a vital role to overcome
this
 soaring issue.
Submitted by avtarsekhon88 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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