IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#men #women
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The characteristics and personalities of
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 have been the topic of many studies in recent years. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, some believe that when it comes to competitiveness,
men
Use synonyms
 are more competitive than
women
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I do not completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
opinion
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
opinion
Use synonyms
 would be true if only we were living at the beginning of the homosapeins era. I think
this
Linking Words
opinion
Use synonyms
 could only apply to the down stages of evolution. During that time, males had to compete with
others
Use synonyms
 in every aspect of life while females had to remain in their caves and just wait for their
men
Use synonyms
 to come back. In that era, food was limited, and
one
Use synonyms
 male had to compete with
others
Use synonyms
 to get food and attract females’ attention and convince her that he was superior to
others
Use synonyms
 in bringing stronger offspring who could live longer and continue the generation. In
this
Linking Words
 case, due to
this
Linking Words
 ever-lasted competition,
men
Use synonyms
 became naturally more competitive than
women
Use synonyms
. Whilst, nowadays, competitiveness is more a personal attitude rather than a gender-specific ability. We can see some males who do not want to compete with
others
Use synonyms
 as they are self-satisfied and they do not see any reason in proving themselves to
others
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
women
Use synonyms
 are entering competitive areas
such
Linking Words
 as professional sports or highly competitive industries.
As a result
Linking Words
, devoting
one
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 characteristic to
one
Use synonyms
 gender is a wrong approach. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 might naturally be more competitive than
women
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as many other creatures on the planet, I think
this
Linking Words
 hypothesis is somehow outdated. We are heading toward an egalitarian society and the gaps between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 have been thinned. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, no specific personality or ability could be considered related to
one
Use synonyms
 gender only.
Submitted by deh.raika on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: