Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#children #games #reason #violence #crime #cities #world

There is no doubt that nowadays crime has extensively increased worldwide. The question is , are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

video

games

the reason for increasing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime? In

this

essay, I am going to draw my own point of view. In terms of the problem, the growth of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

violence in multiple cities around the world is associated with the spread of

cruelty

Replace the word

cruel

show examples

games

in entertainment markets. The main reason given to support

this

claim is that the excitement and the fascination that these

games

bring are the key essential to create a popular and top rank game. To illustrate, gaming industries are usually adding excitement tools and

real life

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

scene

Fix the agreement mistake

scenes

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to raise the income by manipulating

Change preposition

apply

show examples

gamer’s

feeling

Fix the agreement mistake

feelings

show examples

In other words

, when a child playing a war game that has the main character fighting with different types of guns and explosive items, which

is adversely affect

Change the verb form

is adversely affected

is adversely affecting

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the player status not only mentally but

also

emotionally.

Hence

, the development of thrilling

games

will directly boost the gaming world influx which in turn leads to

build

Change the verb form

building

show examples

a stressful and cruel generations

Correct the article-noun agreement

a stressful and cruel generation

stressful and cruel generations

show examples

Moreover

, the absence of parent supervision plays a vital role in raising a criminal. While parents

busy

Add a missing verb

are busy

show examples

with

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

they

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

duties,

children

left

Add a missing verb

are left

show examples

without guides in spending their time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing

games

This

is because letting the

children

with no limitations on playing

games

that are suitable for their age is a potential reason to raise the violence. Regardless

parents

Change preposition

of parents

show examples

censorship, violent

games

are now easily accessible due to the spread of

advirtisment

Correct your spelling

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

321 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays,many people choose to be self-employed, than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self employed?

In many nations, it is becoming mandatory to receive vaccinations in order to prevent the spread of disease. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, both scientists and tourists can go to remote natural environments such as the South Pole.Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get the locals to visit museums and historical sites more?