IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant example if necessary.

#salary #job #satisfaction
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 world where everything is has
price
Add an article
a price
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming more
money oriented
Add a hyphen
money-oriented
show examples
. In
such
Linking Words
 a situation, it is vital for
people
Use synonyms
 to choose which is more important. I disagree with the given statement and my view
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 explained in the following paragraph.
First
Linking Words
, the content of
work
Use synonyms
 is more important in one’s
life
Use synonyms
 to live a good
life
Use synonyms
. By
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 I mean that, if we love the
work
Use synonyms
 in which we are interested that gives us more happiness and
also
Linking Words
 our performance will increase eventually, which will help us to grow in professional career.
For example
Linking Words
, the founder of Facebook,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
started his profession with low income and gradually he is one of the most famous and richest persons in the modern era,
this
Linking Words
 is because he was very passionate about his
work
Use synonyms
, and he is more satisfied with it.
Further
Linking Words
, It will help us to be relaxed and
Correct your spelling
calm
show examples
clam
Correct your spelling
calm
show examples
 which is very essential in the latest development of technology. Which will help us to be
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 path.
Second
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are satisfied with their
work
Use synonyms
 will have enough time to develop other activities. In a recent study shown by the
times
Change the capitalization
Times
show examples
 of India, many
people
Use synonyms
 who are enjoying their
work
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 time to spend on their personal interest activities by which they can develop other activities.
For example
Linking Words
, the Captain of India cricket team, M.S Dhoni, because he was pleased with his
work
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
, He has shown his passion in his playing cricket which has made him
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
earn more.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 it will make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
choose their passion as their career which they will happy in doing it. In conclusion, Some
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prefer to get more money than their personal satisfaction.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 balance is vital in order to be
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
 and help us to spend some time with our passion.
Submitted by Barmagml on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: