IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many feel that happiness is mainly an individual responsibility, while others feel that there are important external factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#happiness #responsibility #factors
Nowadays , most people argue , to be happy is mainly the duty of a
human-being
Correct your spelling
human being
show examples
 where
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 believes that there are some other
cruicial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 points leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
 . In my opinion ,
Although
 its the
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of an individual to be heady , some other factors are
also
 playing a vital role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
 .
To begin
 with , the
person
 should be strong enough . As if anything bad happens in his
life
 like if he does not get a good result of his long hard work ,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 the
person
 duty to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that situation and does not let that situation
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be heavy on himself because he has the option to try again .
In addition
 , the individual should have control
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
 his emotions . Even though there are many emotional moments in his
life
 where it is not important to be sad , he does not have to pay attention to those silly things and try to be busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 his own development .
On the other hand
 , there are some other points which are important for
happiness
 . Situations in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 .
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 if a
person
 tried a lot even after his failure and he is able to achieve that goal or job but when it is time to join ,
accident
Add an article
the accident
an accident
show examples
 is
occure
Correct your spelling
occur
 and he
lose
Change the verb form
loses
show examples
 somebody parts now what he will do ? How he can be happy ? So the situation must be good to be happy .
Family
Correct article usage
The family
show examples
 should be supportive . As
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 is playing a
cruicial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 role in
Correct your spelling
everyone's
everyones
Change to a genitive case
everyone's
show examples
life
 , they have to support their child in his doing because if guardian stop their offspring to doing what he
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to do or he is doing
then
 it really affects his
happiness
 . In conclusion ,
however
 , the
person
 should be strong enough , situations in the
life
 and support by the family is playing a vital role in his
life
 .
Submitted by kiranghuman43 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: