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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many feel that happiness is mainly an individual responsibility, while others feel that there are important external factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#happiness #responsibility #factors
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Nowadays , most people argue , to be happy is mainly the duty of a
human-being
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human being
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 where
other
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others
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 believes that there are some other
cruicial
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crucial
 points leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
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 . In my opinion ,
Although
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 its the
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of an individual to be heady , some other factors are
also
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 playing a vital role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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happiness
Use synonyms
 .
To begin
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 with , the
person
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 should be strong enough . As if anything bad happens in his
life
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 like if he does not get a good result of his long hard work ,
its
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it's
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 the
person
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 duty to tackle
with
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apply
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that situation and does not let that situation
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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be heavy on himself because he has the option to try again .
In addition
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 , the individual should have control
on
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over
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 his emotions . Even though there are many emotional moments in his
life
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 where it is not important to be sad , he does not have to pay attention to those silly things and try to be busy
in
Change preposition
with
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 his own development .
On the other hand
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 , there are some other points which are important for
happiness
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 . Situations in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
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 .
For
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example
Add a comma
,example
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 if a
person
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 tried a lot even after his failure and he is able to achieve that goal or job but when it is time to join ,
accident
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the accident
an accident
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 is
occure
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occur
 and he
lose
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loses
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 somebody parts now what he will do ? How he can be happy ? So the situation must be good to be happy .
Family
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The family
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 should be supportive . As
family
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the family
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 is playing a
cruicial
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crucial
 role in
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everyone's
everyones
Change to a genitive case
everyone's
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life
Use synonyms
 , they have to support their child in his doing because if guardian stop their offspring to doing what he
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to do or he is doing
then
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 it really affects his
happiness
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 . In conclusion ,
however
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 , the
person
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 should be strong enough , situations in the
life
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 and support by the family is playing a vital role in his
life
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 .
Submitted by kiranghuman43 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Individual responsibility
  • External factors
  • Personal choices
  • Mindset
  • Attitude
  • Mental health
  • Self-improvement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Financial stability
  • Social relationships
  • Supportive family
  • Environment
  • Living conditions
  • Neighborhood safety
  • Cultural factors
  • Interplay
  • Dispositions
  • Case studies
  • Practical strategies
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