Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many parts of the world, it is mandatory for young male graduates to provide
service
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in their
nation
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's military. Many individuals are in favour of
this
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ideology and suggest that the whole world should adopt
this
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system, not only for men but
also
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for women. I strongly disagree with
this
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belief, and my inclination will be discussed in
further
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paragraphs.
To begin
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with, there are many reasons for me to believe that serving in the armed forces is not necessary for new graduates. Perhaps the main reason is role of a soldier is crucial for any
nation
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.
Hence
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, a
nation
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would be at an alarming risk of being attacked by their enemies or terrorist groups, if they have school passed
out
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in their military forces.
This
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is because
,
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college graduates, both male and female, do not possess the physical and mental fitness to join the army.
Additionally
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, since the army protects and serves the
nation
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, candidate should express their willingness to be a part of it,
instead
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of being forced.
This
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is to say that every man and woman should have freedom and a strong eagerness to choose their career, whether to pursue a military
service
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, civil
service
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or engineering.
For instance
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, it would be a waste of time and money if they were forced to enlist in the army and did not have an interest in serving the
nation
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.
That is
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why I believe that countries should not adopt
this
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system.
To conclude
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,
although
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many people support a compulsory armed force
service
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for young men and women, I believe that they should be enrolled based on their enthusiasm to serve the country, as soldiers play a vital role in protecting the
nation
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more examples or details to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the linking of your ideas to make the transitions smoother.
task achievement
Use specific examples to strengthen your main points.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
idea development
You express your personal opinion clearly throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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