IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#men #women
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
fellow are stereotypically considered to be more competitive than wives. In my opinion, though
this
Linking Words
 is ostensibly true, in fact, competitiveness just finds different expression in females. The traditional argument in favour of
this
Linking Words
 claim is that fathers are predisposed genetically to aggressive traits. husband have elevated levels of the hormone testosterone.
This
Linking Words
 is supposedly an evolved adaptation as males in human pre-history had to battle one another for dominance and required a surplus of strength to hunt and provide for the whole family. In the modern world,
this
Linking Words
 translates to a heightened aggressiveness often reflected in the number of ambitious guys, driven to excel in their chosen field. Numerous studies and tests have confirmed the surface-level validity of
this
Linking Words
 argument.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 ignores the fact that she simply has different outlets for their competitive qualities. In the past, societal prejudices often discouraged wives from expressing an interest in competitive sports and ambitious career paths. It is now more common for females to embrace their competitive drive and strive for goals similar to a brother.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is merely a redirection of innate desires that were already present.
Instead
Linking Words
 of competing in traditionally competitive fields, mothers in past generations focused their energies on more domestic matters. These might not have been as seemingly competitive but daughters
nonetheless
Linking Words
 had to compete against each other to gain the highest possible position in society available to them at the time. In conclusion, despite the evolutionary evidence to support the natural competitiveness of males, I feel that the sexes are generally equal in
this
Linking Words
 area though wives express
this
Linking Words
 desire more subtly.
Such
Linking Words
 narrow stereotyping of both genders is often overly simplistic.
Submitted by ndmimi16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: