IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments prohibiting the underage children for getting fulltime jobs in certain countries. Do you agree or disagree?

#governments #children #fulltime #jobs #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's modern society, Education and
children
Use synonyms
 are more and more essential for the development of the world in the future.
Thus
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with the statement that the government should impose a ban on hiring underage
children
Use synonyms
 for
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
. The
first
Linking Words
 argument given to support my opinion is that
children
Use synonyms
 are the main labour force in the
next
Linking Words
 century. If
children
Use synonyms
 are allowed to work too early that can lead to the fact that they will leave school when they have not completed the basic education programme yet. as the result, the labour force in the future may not have enough knowledge to work for some jobs that need high educaducation
such
Linking Words
 as
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
, doctors, engineers and so on. Another point behind my belief is that
children
Use synonyms
 are too young to understand the labour law. So they may lose their rights and the benefits which they should get from working.
in addition
Linking Words
, in some poor countries, when education is too difficult to access for
children
Use synonyms
. Some adults can overexploit it to hire
children
Use synonyms
 with low
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to work overtime which may cause many adverse impacts on
children
Use synonyms
's health. in conclusion, To prevent some adults from hiring and exploiting
children
Use synonyms
, I entirely agree that the government should protect
children
Use synonyms
 by imposing some laws for
children
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as a ban on employing underage
children
Use synonyms
 for full-time jobs.
Submitted by ngochai4354 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: