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Band 4

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
Nowadays the
quantity
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number
show examples
 of
children
 with obesity
desease
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disease
 are
growed
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grown
show examples
 up , some people
beleive
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believe
 that
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
 should be responsible for
this
 problem. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will partly support
this
 statement.
At
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In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
society
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,society
show examples
 we have plenty of different
food
 which is easy to buy .
This
food
 consists
from
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of
show examples
 sugar and oils.
Children
 love sweet
food
, and the shops have
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
assortiment
Correct your spelling
assortment
 of it. A lot of
advertisemets
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 offer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people fast and sweet
food
, which can lead to
obessity
Correct your spelling
obesity
 ,
esspecially
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especially
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
.
Moreover
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,Moreover
show examples
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 restaurants
such
 as Mac Donalds and KFS are very popular all over the world, because
this
 meal is cheap and fast, and gives opportunity to the parents do not cook at home. Another reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
show examples
 quality of cases of
children
Replace the word
childhood
show examples
 obesity
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 they prefer to spend a lot of time watching TV, Youtube, playing computer games and using social media. It leads to the lack of movements , and to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems with weight
as a result
. To solve
this
 problem
Correct your spelling
government
govermant
Correct article usage
the govermant
show examples
 should create more
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 centres , and arrange a lot of sports events for
children
 , to involve them
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
sport
Add an article
the sport
show examples
 . In conclusion, I would argue that
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
 is responsible for
childeren's
Correct your spelling
children's
 obesity as far as their parents. Parents should provide their's
children
 with fresh and healthy
food
, meanwhile
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
shuold
Correct your spelling
should
 create more sports facilities in the cities, and fast
food
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be forbidden in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools and
kindergardens
Correct your spelling
kindergartens
.
Submitted by mazhivotova on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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