Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes may health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Sugar

Use synonyms

is the main ingredient

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

is contained in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

various consumer’s goods, especially food and beverage.

People

Use synonyms

believe that the high level of

sugar

Use synonyms

cause

Change the verb form

causes

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

obesity and

heart

Use synonyms

decease

Correct your spelling

disease

show examples

In addition

Linking Words

, they think that the best solution is to cut down the sugary consumption in

term

Fix the agreement mistake

terms

show examples

of increasing the price of

sweets

Use synonyms

. I personally agree with

these idea

Change the determiner

this idea

these ideas

show examples

Linking Words

This

Correct determiner usage

The

show examples

following paragraphs will discuss

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

how

sugar

Use synonyms

affect

Change the verb form

affects

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

human’s health, and how to control it. There are many

people

Use synonyms

believe

Correct pronoun usage

who believe

show examples

that

sugar

Use synonyms

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

energy because

they

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

can boost

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

power after

exercises

Fix the agreement mistake

exercise

show examples

and activities.

On the other hand

Linking Words

Sugar

Use synonyms

the

Correct article usage

show examples

addictive poison. It

Use synonyms

cause

Change the verb form

causes

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

deceases

Correct your spelling

diseases

show examples

such

Linking Words

as obesity and

heart

Use synonyms

decease

Correct your spelling

disease

show examples

. When

people

Use synonyms

overconsume

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sweets

Use synonyms

, they will get fatter.

Moreover

Linking Words

, if they do not exercise and keep the body stay healthy,

this

Linking Words

is the terrible stage which is tending to

heart

Use synonyms

decease

Correct your spelling

disease

show examples

in the end. I totally agree that the more

sweets

Use synonyms

are launched to the market, the more health problems can

cause

Use synonyms

in human. The main

cause

Use synonyms

of the problems is there are

over

Correct article usage

an over

show examples

quantity of

sugar

Use synonyms

contain

Change the form of the verb

contained

show examples

in foods. To solve

this

Linking Words

problem, authorities have to control

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sugary products and reduce

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sugar

Use synonyms

’s overconsumption by rising

price

Fix the agreement mistake

prices

show examples

in order to decrease the demand.

Besides

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

artificial sweeteners

Linking Words

also

Add a missing verb

are also

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

efficient choice to replace

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real

sugar

Use synonyms

. The fake

sugar

Use synonyms

can make the

sweets

Use synonyms

and same sense of taste as well as

sugar

Use synonyms

does.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I believe that increasing

price

Correct article usage

the price

show examples

and using artificial

sugar

Use synonyms

can help

people

Use synonyms

to overcome the obesity and

heart

Use synonyms

decease

Correct your spelling

disease

show examples

epidemic which is caused by

sugar

Use synonyms

sustainably.

ncnattaya

Oct 8, 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

What to do next:

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Development in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live simpler lives to solve environmental problems. Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well-managed. What are the advantages and disadvantaged of tourism in the modern world?

"In today's world, companies seek to keep the happiness level of their employees high through salary, health care and holiday packages. Can such measures make employees happy?"

The plans below show a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.