IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both of these two views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #punishment #type #crime #circumstances #motivation #account #two
Certain
Add an article
A certain
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of individuals believe that for every criminal activity there should be a particular punishment
Add the comma(s)
, on the other hand,
show examples
on the other hand
 others believe that
situation
Correct article usage
the situation
show examples
 and cause for the crime should be considered when deciding for the punishment.I personally agree with the latter statement as factors
such
 as education and magnitude of the criminal activity should be taken into consideration.
To begin
 with, one of the conspicuous trends of today’s modern world is a colossal upsurge in the various criminal activities due to rapid globalisation and continuous scarcity of basic resources for living a normal lifestyle.There is a deluge of arguments in favour of my stance and
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 predominant one is that especially in the developing nations about 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is living below the poverty line and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
access to basic facilities for survival
such
 as education,employment and financial security
further
, poses these people to perform certain menial crimes.
For example
, a survey conducted by the Indian Institute of Technology revealed that
states
Change preposition
in states
show examples
 which were having lower literacy there was more crime like dacoity or domestic violence in these areas.
Secondly
,another important factor to be taken into consideration is the magnitude of crime while dealing with
this
 soaring problem .Both public and private organisations should come forward and take effective measures cumulatively which are for the benefit of people.Another important factor taken into consideration is
rehabilitation
Add an article
the rehabilitation
a rehabilitation
show examples
 of criminals rather than punishing them
rigoursly
Correct your spelling
rigorously
.
For instance
, a study demonstrated by Oxford University states that more emphasis should be laid
towards
Change preposition
on
show examples
 rehabilitation and it will improve our society in the long term. In my opinion, effective implementation of rules and regulations by both government and private institutions should be done regarding imprisonments or rehabilitation for the positive outcome of the society.
Submitted by dr.jotdhaliwal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: