Level of youth crime is increasing rapidly in the most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this and suggest some solutions.

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this

day and age, we can see news about

youth

crime around the world on many platforms. Most nations are concerned about witnessing the rapid growth of offences committed by youngsters. So

this

essay is worth considering. Let us take a look at the reasons for

this

solution. There are several factors in the crime problem

such

as social media, lack of attention from parents ,

youth

protection laws and weapons that are easy to buy. Show that, the famous news in Thailand about child criminals shooting guns in shopping malls caused many people to be affected by the incident and worst of all, many people died, one of whom was a foreigner.

Therefore

, various people analyze

this

event and what factors make young boys turn into child criminals.The problem arises from parents putting too much pressure on their children about their studies and not paying attention to their children's details. His free time activity was shooting in the range when he was only fourteen. He admitted to ordering the weapons online. Even though he committed a crime as violent as an adult he should receive the maximum punishment. But because he is still a

youth

and cannot use the rules of an adult, he is not responsible for what he does.

Consequently

, citizens came to take action about

this

event to change

youth

law to have the severity of the punishment be equivalent to what was done. The essential one is weapons have to be traded, controlled and prohibited from being sold online.

However

, family is super significant in

this

problem. If a young boy has a good background

this

situation will be nothing worth happening.

To sum up

, the government and household should cooperate in solving these problems because the family is an important basis for a child and the government has a role in regulating various laws.

Submitted by np.napatping on Sun May 05 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded with examples or explanations. Use linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly.

Task Achievement

To enhance task response, ensure that you address all parts of the task. Your essay should clearly introduce the problem, discuss reasons, offer solutions, and conclude effectively. Each part needs a dedicated section in your essay.

Task Achievement

For a higher score, work on developing your paragraphs fully. Explain your points more comprehensively by discussing one main idea per paragraph and supporting it with detailed examples.

General

Remember to review your essay for possible grammatical errors or awkward phrases. Clear, error-free English will help your score.

Task Achievement

You provided a relevant real-world example to support your point about youth crime, which made your essay more persuasive.

Task Achievement

Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points and suggests solutions, effectively wrapping up the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

You've made a good effort at structuring your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

311 words

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Level of youth crime is increasing rapidly in the most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this and suggest some solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, people get information though news and papers, but meanwhile are uncertain about the truth of these news. Should we believe the journalists? What qualities should a good journalist or correspondent have?

In some countries, parents are choosing to teach children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of studying at home outweigh the disadvantages?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?