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Band 5

Some people believe that development of computer has changed the human lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #development #computer #lives
It is undeniable that
computer
evolution
 is continually growing up in every
sectors
Change to a singular noun
sector
show examples
. That a reason why many
people
 believe that
computer
evolution
 was affected
people
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and changed human
societies
. From my point of view, I personally agree with
this
 idea for many reasons, described in the following paragraph.
To begin
 with, I strongly believe that
computer
evolution
 provides many advantages to human
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Firstly
, many
people
 use
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 to be an assistance in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
daily life.
For example
, they use
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 to control an air conditioner via an application on a mobile phone.
Secondly
, the
computer
 can help
people
 to forecast a situation that
people
 can arrange an effective schedule.
Finally
, the
computer
 makes human life to be more
convince
Change the form of the verb
convincing
show examples
.
For instance
,
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
online banking is an instrument for
people
 to shop without paying
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cash.
Additionally
, working with
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 will change human
societies
 that
people
 can
easy
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
people
 from another side of the world. Nowadays, a virtual meeting via an application on a
computer
 is most popular for many
people
 due to
people
 can arrange a meeting everywhere that they want, while face to face meeting is less popular due to they must spend too much time for
arrange
Change the verb form
arranging
show examples
 a schedule that appropriate for everyone.
Moreover
,
computer
evolution
 made
people
 had more attempt to find
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
 and did not stop learning. In conclusion, I personally agree that
computer
evolution
 changes
people
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and human
societies
 because it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to me that the advantage of
computer
evolution
 will involve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human life in the future and build a good standard of human
societies
.
Submitted by palmpppm on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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