IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive development or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Businesses nowadays are advertising their new
products
Use synonyms
 as better and
novel
Correct quantifier usage
more novel
show examples
 than other
products
Use synonyms
 existing in the market, they conduct launch events and exclusive give-away to promote their
product
Use synonyms
. The main reason for introducing a
product
Use synonyms
 as a novelty is mainly to
stand-out
Correct your spelling
stand out
show examples
 among the competitors, but
also
Linking Words
 to
Correct your spelling
stand out
show examples
standout
Correct your spelling
stand out
show examples
 from their own previous generation
product
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, emphasise on bringing in new technology in
products
Use synonyms
, even though for the sake of advertisement seems to be a positive development in my opinion. Due to
globalistation
Correct your spelling
globalisation
globalization
 is a huge amount of competition in every
product
Use synonyms
 sector,
therefore
Linking Words
 companies are bringing in new devices to stand out among their competitors.
For example
Linking Words
, the tech-
gaint
Correct your spelling
giant
 Apple stood out when they introduced iPods
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 could store thousands of songs compared to the conventional MP3 players which were available at that time.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the companies introduce new
products
Use synonyms
 to put pressure on their existing customers to switch to a new device, which will
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
inturn
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
, increase the revenue for the business.
For instance
Linking Words
, if we look into the smartphone market we can see every year, a new flagship smartphone is released by companies which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 better than their own
product
Use synonyms
 from the
last
Linking Words
 year, it might be
improvement
Add an article
an improvement
the improvement
show examples
 in camera or even a new chipset. The constant pressure to bring in new items to the market is
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
inturn
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
 fuelling innovations, thereby leading to a
better developed
Add a hyphen
better-developed
show examples
 world. To illustrate, if we look back 20 years, to see and talk to a person who is in another part of the world was far from reality, but today it is possible with improvements in connectivity and computation.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 types of innovations happened gradually because of the pressure for creating novel advancements over the years.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 cons relating to emphasising
products
Use synonyms
 to be new through advertisements, like increase in wastes as users switch to the new
product
Use synonyms
 for a negligible upgrade, it can even affect the mental health of the people as they might have an urge to buy a new
product
Use synonyms
 seen but may not be in a situation to buy the
product
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 when I am buying a
product
Use synonyms
 today it is going to be taken over by some other better
product
Use synonyms
 sometimes even within a week. In summary, businesses nowadays are advertising their
products
Use synonyms
 to be new mainly, to stand out from their competitors.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach has some disadvantages, the pros
outwiegh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the cons in my opinion.
Submitted by nigilmasedon3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
What to do next:
Look at other essays: