IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Recently
government
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 has spent the majority of its
money
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 on the arts industry.
Also
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, there are some people who believe that it is better to invest
this
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money
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 in public
services
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. It is true that public
services
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 are necessary for individuals’
lives
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 but
art
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 is part of our
lives
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. It is crucial that the
government
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 assign a large amount of
money
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 to public
services
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such
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 as healthcare systems, roads, residential areas etc. Because
,
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apply
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 these parts of places have a vital role in people’s
lives
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 and determine the quality of pupils’
lives
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.
For instance
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, in recent years, some developed countries have made advanced hospitals with high technology which can cure patients who suffer from bad diseases.
This
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 way has a positive effect on lifespan and leads to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 life expectancy.
Thus
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, the assignment budget for public
services
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 through the
government
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 is very important and has a positive effect on society. Albeit,
this
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 does not mean that spending
money
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 on
art
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 is a waste of budget.
First,
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the
art
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 industry
such
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 as music, dance and movies illustrates our cultures and traditions so keeping them safe is our duty.
Second,
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there are some institutions which cannot afford enough
money
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 to show their
art
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 to the world,
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furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
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 they need
government
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 support.
Moreover
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,
art
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 has a vital role in our quality of life. In conclusion,
although
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 public
services
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 should be expanded and the
government
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 must allocate lots of
money
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 for
this
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 position, keeping the
art
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 industry alive can lead to maintaining our past and future. A balance between these two subjects can pleasure all people.

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task achievement
Try to clarify your position more explicitly in the introduction; it’s a good idea to state whether you agree or disagree with the statement clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your arguments in support of both public services and the arts are evenly developed to strengthen your essay's overall coherence. Perhaps elaborate more on how arts can positively affect wellbeing or society.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and phrasing. For example, 'assign a large amount of money to public services' could be 'allocate a significant budget to public services.' This would improve clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by addressing both sides of the argument, which is commendable and demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
You have provided relevant examples which help illustrate your points regarding both public services and the importance of art, which adds depth to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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