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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that video games are beneficial to children whereas others believe that it has negative effects.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #video #games #children #effects
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It is often argued that computerized
games
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has
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have
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 some negative impacts on the well being of
Children
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 while some say that it is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for the holistic development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters.
This
Linking Words
 essay shall look into both arguments, I personally stand with the former view.
To begin
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 with,
folkes
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folks
 who think that playing video
games
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 has negative effects on
children
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 has their own valid points and
one
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 of those points is that it greatly
affect
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affects
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 the overall growth of young ones. They say that, sitting in front of
TV
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the TV
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 while playing
games
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 all day while doing no to very little physical activity could possibly affect the growth of
overall
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the overall
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 body.
Moreover
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, Survey conducted in 2016 showed that youngsters who played
games
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more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
Correct your spelling
than
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that
Correct your spelling
than
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 three hours had eye vision problems plus their critical thinking is
also
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 less as
comapred
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compared
 to
children
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 who don't play computer
games
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. Playing
games
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 on electronic gadgets for
long
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a long
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time
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 can
also
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 cause obesity which has some dreadful effects on the body of
children
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.
On the contrary
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 side, some people think playing
games
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 on television actually has good effects on the growth of their loved ones. According to them, it is
one
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 of the best
way
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ways
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 to kill free
time
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 as well as
one
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 can learn a lot about survival in hard conditions.
Secondly
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, they think that playing on
computer
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the computer
a computer
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 could possibly help them to find their area of interest, which they can later focus on.
Majority
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The majority
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 of
the
Change to a genitive case
the game's developers
the developers of the game
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games
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 developers
addicted
Add a missing verb
were addicted
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 to
games
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 during their childhood
hence
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 when they grow up they chose it as their profession and Von don is
one
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 of them. Playing
games
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 for
certain
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a certain
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 amount of
time
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 isn't bad at all surprisingly it can be good as well. In my opinion, spending too much
time
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 while doing something which later can
casue
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cause
you
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your
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 trouble is not a wise choice. Sitting for hours while doing
same
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the same
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 thing on repetition mode could possibly kill the creativity of younger
childern
Correct your spelling
children
.
Submitted by bbaljinderbrar213 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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