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Band 5.5

Some people believe that video games are beneficial to children whereas others believe that it has negative effects.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #video #games #children #effects
It is often argued that computerized
games
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 some negative impacts on the well being of
Children
 while some say that it is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for the holistic development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters.
This
 essay shall look into both arguments, I personally stand with the former view.
To begin
 with,
folkes
Correct your spelling
folks
 who think that playing video
games
 has negative effects on
children
 has their own valid points and
one
 of those points is that it greatly
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 the overall growth of young ones. They say that, sitting in front of
TV
Add an article
the TV
show examples
 while playing
games
 all day while doing no to very little physical activity could possibly affect the growth of
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 body.
Moreover
, Survey conducted in 2016 showed that youngsters who played
games
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 three hours had eye vision problems plus their critical thinking is
also
 less as
comapred
Correct your spelling
compared
 to
children
 who don't play computer
games
. Playing
games
 on electronic gadgets for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
 can
also
 cause obesity which has some dreadful effects on the body of
children
.
On the contrary
 side, some people think playing
games
 on television actually has good effects on the growth of their loved ones. According to them, it is
one
 of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to kill free
time
 as well as
one
 can learn a lot about survival in hard conditions.
Secondly
, they think that playing on
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 could possibly help them to find their area of interest, which they can later focus on.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
the
Change to a genitive case
the game's developers
the developers of the game
show examples
games
 developers
addicted
Add a missing verb
were addicted
show examples
 to
games
 during their childhood
hence
 when they grow up they chose it as their profession and Von don is
one
 of them. Playing
games
 for
certain
Change the article
a certain
show examples
 amount of
time
 isn't bad at all surprisingly it can be good as well. In my opinion, spending too much
time
 while doing something which later can
casue
Correct your spelling
cause
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 trouble is not a wise choice. Sitting for hours while doing
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 thing on repetition mode could possibly kill the creativity of younger
childern
Correct your spelling
children
.
Submitted by bbaljinderbrar213 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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