Some people believe that women should be able to join their country’s army and police forces, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
contemporary era, women have progressed and displayed their success in various fields like men. A group of thought deem that women should be allowed to join the defence sector of one nation. Whereas,
this
notion has been refused by some individuals. I reckon a woman is equally capable like a man to serve her country and become a part of
army
Correct article usage
the army
show examples
or police forces. They deserve equivalent work opportunities. To commence with,
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
empowerment concept is spreading like wildfires across the globe. If society is genuinely concerned about empowering females
then
the government should officially recruit them in
nations
Correct article usage
the nations
show examples
defence forces. Because many ladies desire to fight for their
mother-land
Correct your spelling
motherland
show examples
and their dedication can strengthen a force, which should be taken into account.
Moreover
, it is a vital workplace, which plays a significant role in protecting a region and deciding its future.
As a result
of
this
incorporating females into
this
particular segment will determine their importance in society. To illustrate, joining in military services has become mandatory for each woman by the Government of Israel.
Consequently
, uplifting ladies status depend upon their inclusion in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
services willingly by mankind throughout the world and respecting their career choices.
In addition
, if people will think from the viewpoint of “gender equality”,
then
they must admit female insertions in military groups. Throughout history,
the
Change the word
their
show examples
central role
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has ensured stability, prosperity, progress and long-term developments in a place.
Furthermore
, they are well-known as multitaskers, which should be appreciated. Taking care of the family and effectively performing a task in
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
are being managed
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with full efficiency. Research conducted by the University of California revealed that 45.4 per cent
women’s
Change preposition
of women’s
show examples
formal and informal labour had transformed a community from a relatively autonomous society to a participant in the national economy,
for instance
. As a consequence, they have proved their worth and certainly deserve a chance to be designated as female warriors.
In contrast
, a few people showed a negative mindset about
this
issue. Perhaps they believe a lady has not enough competency and capability to deliver
this
job.
Therefore
, household chores are more suitable work for them.
Besides
, they are biologically not stronger than males.
Since
Change preposition
For
show examples
years ladies have
seen
Add a missing verb
been seen
show examples
as caretakers, nurses and carrying a sensitive compassionate outlook, which has promoted
this
kind of thought
processes
Fix the agreement mistake
process
show examples
. To recapitulate, I strongly agree with the very
first
perspective. When equal chances will be given along with access to land, leadership and power
then
security and prospects will be enhanced for current and future generations considerably.
Submitted by debojit.chakrabarty4 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: