IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#suggest #people #job #years #school #university
In developing and impoverished countries, it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
common thing for youngsters to have a job after school because most of their parents do not have enough
money
 to afford their education.
Although
 there are several advantages to have a job at an early age, I believe that the drawbacks outweigh any benefits. The most common benefit for young
people
 to have a job at an early age is they will earn
money
 to fulfil their necessity or even more decent they can help their family financial condition by giving some to their parents. Another point that can be a positive impact on them is in life’s work there are going to be a lot of problems that should be resolve and these
people
 will have the capability and experience to deal with their problems.
As a result
, they will be more independent and mature compared to their friends who do not have that kind of responsibility. Despite all the advantages that previously mentioned, we have to consider the disadvantage of
this
 issue. The main problem is these
people
 will probably miss their youth period to enjoy with their friends. It will increase the possibility of depression, make them become an anti-social person, and do not care about other
people
.
Furthermore
, there will be a threat for them to spend their income in the wrong manner because they will most likely not follow their parent’s instructions as they earn
money
 by themself,
for instance
 consuming illegal drugs, smoke, and liquor. It will immediately ruin their future.
Additionally
, they are going to be satisfied enough with their achievements to have income,
thus
 they prefer will not
Fix the infinitive
to
show examples
continue their education.
Consequently
, their mentality will be different from other
people
 who are well graduated from university. After all, I would say the drawbacks for the
people
 who work after school is greater than the advantages.
However
, we could not avoid
this
 condition especially in some countries which have not developed, so some
people
 who want to gain
money
 before going to university should consider several disadvantages that can affect them.
Submitted by aditya_kristiantosuwandi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: