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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed what is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?

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In recent days,
parents
Use synonyms
 put a lot of
pressure
Use synonyms
 on their
children
Use synonyms
 to succeed because of too much societal
pressure
Use synonyms
 and investments they have put into them. In my view,
this
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 is a negative move since it drives young people to
depression
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 and
suicide
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.
To begin
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 with,
parents
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 feel a lot of
pressure
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 from society. Society at large expects that
parents
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 must ensure that their
kids
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 become successful, either in school, at work, or in sports. Whenever
children
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 fail,
parents
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 are the first people to be blamed, so they always push their young ones to succeed at all costs. In Kenya,
for example
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, when young individuals get spoiled or fail in life,
parents
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 are always on the receiving end for failing to fulfil their parental responsibilities.
In addition
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 to the above, they might have
also
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 spent a significant amount of money educating their
children
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. They might have sent them to the most expensive schools or
send
Wrong verb form
sent
show examples
 them abroad, and in case the
children
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 fail, they will be ridiculed.
Hence
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,
parents
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 are always under
pressure
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 to ensure that their
kids
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 succeed.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 is a bad move as
children
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 might end up in
depression
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 or
committing
Wrong verb form
commit
show examples
suicide
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. In most cases, especially in Kenya, many
parents
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 play a role in whatever their
kids
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 do in their lives. If it is education, they want to choose a career path for them, which
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
kids
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 may not be interested in. In
such
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 circumstances, they will be doing things that they do not have a passion to pursue, and
at the end
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 of it all, they might be frustrated and driven to
suicide
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 or
depression
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;
therefore
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, it is paramount that
kids
Use synonyms
, as much as
parents
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 want them to succeed, deserve freedom. In conclusion, lately,
parents
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 have been under
pressure
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 because of too much
pressure
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 from the society and resources they have invested in their
children
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;
however
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,
this
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 is a negative move as
children
Use synonyms
 might commit
suicide
Use synonyms
 or get into
depression
Use synonyms
.

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task response
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and provides relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be stronger. Additionally, there is room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay exhibits a wide range of vocabulary, which is suitable for the task. However, pay attention to the use of synonyms and the precision of word choice.
grammatical range
The essay displays a varied and accurate use of grammar, including complex structures. Focus on using a wider range of sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
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