People in the limelight have a responsibility to set a example to others by their good behavior. Do you agree?

Some
people
believe that celebrities have a responsibility towards the public by setting an example, especially for the youth
look
Fix the infinitive
to look
show examples
up to.
Although
to some extent I agree with
this
notion, there is a part to
this
which I disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
. On one hand, the
life
of a celebrity is one in which
people
want to be them or at least be like them. The public is in awe of the glitz and glamour of their
life
, and
this
puts them in a position to influence the youth. Make them aware of certain realities. A prime example of
this
is, in the recently completed European championship, Cristiano Ronaldo was in a press conference, and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
that conference, he got rid of the Coke/Pepsi bottle near him, and said “water” in his native Portuguese, hinting that
people
should stop drinking these soft drinks, and
instead
drink water. The result of
this
simple action was accompanied by many other players following suit,
not to mention
that Coca-Cola's market value plummeted by £2.8 billion.
However
, one thing the public forgets is that celebrities
at the end
of the day, are
also
people
. They will make
mistakes
, just like regular citizens and some of these
mistakes
will be
due to
a lack of maturity.
Furthermore
, for these
mistakes
, we cannot really hold them accountable, because there are some
mistakes
that
people
make which reflect on their maturity level. In conclusion, whilst I feel celebrities hold a large fan base and thereby can inspire others to work hard
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and enjoy
life
, they can
also
just as easily make errors of judgement like the remainder of us, so it is always important to be objective about following the
life
of a celebrity.
Submitted by Nigelvictorlawrence on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

extended advice
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the task by discussing both agreements and disagreements with the statement. However, it lacks a clear stance and offers limited reasoning for the positions taken. Provide a more balanced and focused argument for a stronger task achievement.
extended advice
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is evident and generally well-organized. The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic. The main points are supported with examples and reasoning. Continuing to develop a clear and cohesive argument will enhance overall coherence and cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: