IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #member #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Children
Use synonyms
 are one of the pivot assets of the country;
therefore
Linking Words
, it is better for the country
as well as
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 to learn discipline and how to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with the help of their
parents
Use synonyms
 but certain people claim that it is a school's obligation. Without
further
Linking Words
speculation
Add a comma
speculation,
show examples
 I will dissect contrary views and bring forth my deduction. Pupils,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their early stage of
Use synonyms
life
Add the comma(s)
life,
show examples
 have less maturity;
consequently
Linking Words
, they learn various aspects of
life
Use synonyms
 from their first role models, their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 ought to give a plethora of advice to their
children
Use synonyms
 which help them to build a great image of themselves among their relatives
as well as
Linking Words
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 are the first
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 to predict their son's moves so that they can teach them
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first place which would give them confidence to behave like a mature person.
For example
Linking Words
,
department
Correct article usage
the department
show examples
 of
discipline's
Capitalize word
Discipline's
show examples
 research endorses that in 70% of
children
Use synonyms
's success,
parents
Use synonyms
 play an immense role by giving advice on their behaviour.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 spend almost 6 hours in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school which is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient time for anyone to improve any student's behaviour. Nowadays, schools have a modicum of lectures on anger management which explains various concepts of behaviour. In fact, plenty of teachers educate their
students
Use synonyms
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to behave with elders and different ways to give them respect.
In addition
Linking Words
, the government is planning a course on discipline management for
students
Use synonyms
 which provides them
important
Change preposition
with important
show examples
 lessons based on good communication for their job interviews.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 and schools both play an extraordinary role in
children
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. I believe that both are necessary for
children
Use synonyms
's growth and without
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 would lose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
control over their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 by misbehaving with others on simple points.
Submitted by hetpatel3205 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • moral values
  • social norms
  • structured environment
  • cooperation
  • respect
  • communal responsibilities
  • decision-making
  • societal integration
  • consistent messages
  • cultural expectations
  • complementary roles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: